


The Bodyguard

by Crookes



Category: The Last Kingdom (TV), The Warrior Chronicles | The Saxon Stories - Bernard Cornwell
Genre: Alternate Universe - Victorian, Angst, Drunken Shenanigans, Fluff, M/M, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, switching POV
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-04
Updated: 2021-03-02
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:15:17
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 12
Words: 41,283
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26822005
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crookes/pseuds/Crookes
Summary: The year is 1888, Uhtred is not a well-behaved gentleman and his Uncle Aelfric has frankly had enough.Finan is the unfortunate soul tasked with keeping him in line.
Relationships: Finan/Uhtred of Bebbanburg
Comments: 64
Kudos: 48





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Alrighty this has been in the works a WHILE, I'm going to try and keep to a bi-weekly posting schedule.
> 
> Tags will probably be updated along the line but I've added what I can think of atm
> 
> Endless thanks to the Enablers who have been so encouraging <3
> 
> So without further ado - chapter 1! - I hope you enjoy the image of Uhtred and Finan in waistcoats swanning around Victorian London as much as I do!

Uhtred felt his head snap back and knew he would feel _that_ in the morning. But the man was still bearing down on him and Uhtred needed to think quickly so he took it on the chin, literally and figuratively, and re-joined the fray.

~

Despite what his uncle Aelfric might say Uhtred didn’t actively seek out fights but they always seemed to find him anyway.

Uhtred stared at his reflection morosely, poking at the red mark on the side of his face that would almost certainly become a bruise. There would be no hiding it from his uncle the next day.

Another lecture then, Uhtred had dealt with enough of those before and the affect had worn off somewhat. In fact Aelfric’s lectures were more likely to incite Uhtred to violence than dissuade him from it these days.

Either way he was presently much too tired to care, it was well past 2 in the morning and the house was silent around him. He pulled off what was left of his waistcoat and shirt and retired to bed, removing the bed warmer that had long since gone cold.

Predictably when Aelfric saw Uhtred at the breakfast table the next morning, his normally stormy face turned even more sour.

“Uhtred.”

“Uncle,” Uhtred acknowledged the man dutifully as he sat down to an unappetising plate of poached eggs, “do we have any salt?”

Aelfric waved at a nearby servant impatiently and Uhtred smiled his thanks as they brought the salt over.

“You have been fighting again,” Aelfric bit.

“I was merely defending myself Uncle,” Uhtred countered though he knew there was little use arguing.

“A gentlemen does not act this way, how many times must I ask you to look to your conduct?” Aelfric demanded, “Your father would be ashamed to see you as you are.”

Uhtred felt his blood seethe.

“My _father_ cared little of me when he was alive and as he is now dead I would imagine he cares even less, too busy burning in hell.”

“Uhtred! I will not have this!” Aelfric shouted, “You are confined to the house until I say otherwise and you would do well to reflect on the man you wish to be rather than throw tantrums like a child.”

“Very well, uncle,” Uhtred answered finally, biting his tongue on all he truly wanted to say and abandoning his meagre breakfast to retire to his room.

He didn’t slam his door but only because he felt that would be conceding something to his uncle that he did not want to.

 _One more year,_ he told himself, trying to breathe through the tight rage in his chest.

~

Beocca came to find him later on. He had originally been employed as Uhtred’s tutor by his father and despite Uhtred’s general disinclination for study Beocca had impressed enough to be held on as a clerk for Aelfric once his father passed and Uhtred had outgrown his need of a teacher. He now handled most of the day-to-day accounting for the estate.

Uhtred had been playing idly with a deck of cards but looked up when Beocca came in.

“You have angered your uncle again I see,” Beocca sighed.

“My very existence angers him, Beocca,” Uhtred smiled wryly at his old friend.

Beocca closed the door behind him with a frown, “I still wish that you would try not to provoke him, Uhtred.”

“It was not by choice Beocca, I was only having a quiet drink with Sihtric and Osferth, the man just came at me,” Uhtred explained.

“A quiet drink?” Beocca raised an eyebrow, “And do I dare ask where that quiet drink was being had?”

Uhtred grinned and winked, Beocca perhaps knew him too well. It was possible it had been a gambling den and it was equally possible the man who had swung at him had lost a substantial amount of money.

Still, Uhtred had had no way of knowing the brute would be such a sore loser and therefore it was not his fault.

“Any chance of having some lunch brought up?” Uhtred asked, not so subtly changing the subject, Beocca gave him a pointed look but allowed it.

“I will see to it, and in the meantime you might look at that reading list I gave you last month, I know that you have not touched it. It would do you more good than sitting here playing cards all day,” Beocca gestured to the deck that Uhtred was still shuffling idly.

“I will think on it, Beocca,” Uhtred replied kindly, though they both knew he was unlikely to, he could see his old tutor trying to resist the urge to roll his eyes and smiled to himself. It was a familiar expression, a slight twitch at the corner of Beocca’s eye and the beginnings of an exasperated grimace.

Despite his continuing frustration at being scolded like a child by his Uncle, Uhtred felt some of his bad mood lift.

Beocca sighed, “I will ask one of the lads in the kitchen to bring up some food, do you need anything for that bruise?”

“No, I’ll be fine, it will fade in a couple days,” Uhtred answered.

“And hopefully your Uncle’s ire with it,” Beocca commented archly before turning to leave.

Uhtred chuckled to himself and laid out another round of solitaire.

~

Uhtred spent much of the next few days bouncing between his room, the kitchens and when the staff eventually shooed him out of there; the library, where he would sneak in a bottle of whiskey and definitely not read.

His uncle still demanded his presence at dinner, the usual silent and terse affair, but they otherwise managed to stay out of each other’s way. Uhtred was well practiced in keeping to the nooks and crannies of the house, it was a skill he had had to learn when his father was alive and had served him equally well in avoiding his uncle.

It was the morning of the fifth day when Oswi came to summon him to his uncle’s study, he was in the kitchens again, picking at a freshly baked roll for breakfast and flirting with the new maid, much to the displeasure of the head cook.

Hopefully the summons meant his house arrest would be lifted even if it came with another diatribe so Uhtred shoved what was left of the roll in his mouth, winked at the maid and headed to see his uncle.

Uhtred heard voices murmuring behind the door when he reached the study, he knocked and paused.

“Enter.”

Uhtred pushed the door open and cast a surreptitious look to his uncle’s guest, he could only see the man’s profile but he seemed to be closer in age to Uhtred than his uncle which was unusual in and of itself.

“Uncle, you wished to see me?” Uhtred asked, Aelfric was seated behind his desk, he was probably aiming to look imperious but the desk was a huge, overly gilded monstrosity and only dwarfed him.

“Yes, Uhtred, I have spared some thought to our current impasse regarding your behaviour,” Aelfric began, Uhtred felt his fingers twitch but resisted the urge to comment, “and I believe I have happened upon a solution. This is Finan, from here on out he will be your personal guard.”

Uhtred looked to the man beside him, startled, he was to be watched now? His uncle had never gone this far before. The man, Finan, did not look back, simply kept staring at the wall behind Aelfric, back straight and bearded jaw rigid.

“Uncle, I do not need a babysitter,” Uhtred pleaded, voice low with contained anger.

“Clearly you do,” Aelfric snapped, “at any rate you have no say in this, I have made my decision and as my dependent you shall abide by it.”

“Uncle!”

“Uhtred, that is enough! Now leave, I have work to do,” Aelfric glared, Uhtred could hear the blood rushing in his ears but there was little he could do. He turned and left.

He was almost at the front door of the house when he realised his new shadow was following him. Uhtred stopped.

“Do not follow me,” Uhtred hissed.

“Not your choice I’m afraid,” the man spoke softly, with an Irish accent. Uhtred ground his teeth, half tempted to throw a punch in sheer frustration but that would only land him under house arrest again and he desperately needed to be out, away from here, gone from men who wielded their power like a weapon.

Uhtred pushed the door open onto the street, just because this _Finan_ would shadow him did not mean Uhtred had to acknowledge him. He would do as he always did, his uncle be damned.

Uhtred hailed a passing hansom cab, directing the driver to Soho, and climbed in, Finan following.

They sat in silence on the way there, Uhtred still seething.

In the rational part of his brain Uhtred noted that Finan left him to it and almost appreciated it but then he remembered why Finan was there in the first place and the anger swept back in.

Uhtred thumped on the roof of the cab once he recognised where they were, he hopped out, dug out a coin for the driver and blended seamlessly into the crowd. Whether Finan managed to keep up or not was his own business.

Sihtric and Osferth shared a room on the west side of Soho, their neighbours were already awake and grumbling over laundry in the terrace courtyard. Uhtred smiled and waved his greeting before heading up the stairs, only just managing to dodge a couple of kids who shrieked as they barrelled down to the street below. 

Reaching the third floor Uhtred pounded on his friends’ door. Finan had managed to stick to him much to Uhtred’s annoyance and now hovered in the hallway.

“Fuck off!”

“It’s me, you arse!” Uhtred called through the door, it swung open the next moment and Sihtric grinned at him.

“You can still fuck off,” Sihtric joked, Uhtred swung half-heartedly to cuff the side of his head but Sihtric just ducked, laughing.

“Are you coming or not?” Uhtred asked.

“Yeah, course, I’ll grab Osferth, you been gone days, thought your uncle might have finally killed you off,” Sihtric commented.

“Worse,” Uhtred grimaced, waving towards Finan. Sihtric peered round the doorframe and raised an eyebrow.

“New friend?”

“Guard,” Uhtred bit out, Sihtric let out a low whistle, Uhtred glanced at his new companion, Finan was frowning but didn’t comment on being talked about. “Go get Osferth will you,” Uhtred continued, “I need a goddamn drink.”

“Sure, hey Oz! Stop primping, we’re going out!”

“I was only washing my face,” Osferth griped, wandering into view from somewhere near the back of the room, “you should try it sometime you heathen. Uhtred, always a pleasure, where are we headed, and do I dare ask about the angry looking man standing behind you?”

“Osferth,” Uhtred greeted him warmly, “this is Finan, Finan, this is Sihtric and Osferth, you may as well have names to put to faces if you’re going to be reporting back to my uncle,” Uhtred added bitterly.

“Aelfric has given him a guard to keep him out of trouble,” Sihtric snickered.

“Well you’ve certainly got your work cut out for you Finan, I don’t think Uhtred has ever kept out of trouble a day in his life,” Osferth teased.

“You can both shut up, now come on, any dive will do,” Uhtred rolled his eyes.

~

It was definitely a dive where they ended up, a busy gin palace with windows blackened from smoke and more than one person slumped over the bar.

It was perfect.

Sihtric and Osferth shoved their way into a corner with a table and Uhtred went to get them a round.

Finan hovered for a moment, stuck between staying with his charge and avoiding the crowded bar. Uhtred noticed and waved him off, Finan acquiesced easily enough and followed Sihtric and Osferth to the table, still keeping one eye on Uhtred as he hollered above the noise for the barkeep to serve whatever rotgut he had.

Uhtred didn’t know how long he would last without snapping at the Irishman but at least a drink in hand would help to delay the inevitable. He wondered whether Finan had ever been in a place like this, the man couldn’t be monied or he wouldn’t be working but he also had the posture of someone who had been brought up with at least some wealth.

It was a mystery and part of Uhtred twitched to solve it but a larger part of him stubbornly didn’t want to see Finan as anything other than his Uncle’s lapdog, a nuisance to shake off at the earliest opportunity. Getting to know his new shadow was not something he wanted to put any effort into, he only wanted him gone.

Sihtric and Osferth cheered when he brought the drinks over, Finan just raised an eyebrow when one was placed in front of him as well.

Uhtred looked at him innocently as he slouched onto his own chair, taking a sip of his own glass of gin, he had bought the cheapest and felt it burn down his throat. If he had any luck at all Finan would get drunk and Uhtred could abandon him there.

They all seemed to recognise the challenge and Sihtric and Osferth stayed quiet as Finan lifted his glass.

To everyone’s surprise Finan knocked it back in one gulp.

“I had better in Transvaal,” Finan grumbled.

Uhtred became aware that he was gaping and snapped his mouth shut, he had underestimated Finan, he would not do so again.

Sihtric, meanwhile, was cackling delightedly. Even Osferth seemed thrilled by the display.

“Transvaal?” Osferth asked.

“Aye, the Boer War,” Finan answered though his tone suggested he wouldn’t welcome any further questions.

 _Another piece of the puzzle,_ Uhtred thought to himself.

“I like him,” Sihtric declared, “Finan, we’ll keep you!”

“I don’t think you’ve much choice in that lad,” Finan responded, his gaze flicking to Uhtred.

“I’m not getting you another,” Uhtred glared at him.

“Won’t need one, if you plan on lazing about getting drunk for the rest of the day then one of us ought to be aware of their surroundings,” Finan threw back.

Uhtred snorted derisively and pointedly took a long gulp of his own drink. Finan’s frame was thin and Uhtred figured even drunk he could hold his ground better than the Irishman could.

Finan stayed quiet after that and Uhtred tried his best to ignore the man’s presence, letting Sihtric and Osferth catch him up on the local drama.

“And then! She threw all his clothes out the window, right into a puddle of piss!” Sihtric laughed and Uhtred joined him, cheeks warm now with several rounds of gin.

“Asshole had it coming by the sounds of it,” Uhtred chuckled.

“Oh he definitely did,” Osferth grinned.

The place had become much busier now as the day wound down and people had stumbled into the back of Uhtred’s chair more than once, he didn’t mind it, just took it as part of the atmosphere in a place like this.

So he wasn’t surprised when someone knocked into his shoulder, just steadied his glass and carried on chatting.

That is until a voice interrupted.

“Hey, I know you! You’re them bastards and the orphan what go round together!” A stout man exclaimed, almost leaning over their table as he pointed at them. “Hey Herb!” he continued, his breath thick with alcohol fumes, “It’s them local boys who think they’re better than e’rone else!”

Uhtred was standing before the man could even blink, face stormy, but Finan was just as quick and pushed Uhtred behind him. Uhtred grunted half in surprise, half in protest, he did not like someone fighting his battles for him but Finan just ignored him, staring at the drunk calmly.

“I think you’ve had enough sir, I suggest you apologise and leave us be,” Finan instructed but the man just laughed in his face, his buddies now crowding round.

“See this fella’s? They’ve gone and got themselves a guard dog now.”

Uhtred’s fists clenched, eager to lay the guy flat but Finan shifted his stance to crowd him out as if sensing Uhtred was preparing to make a move.

Sihtric and Osferth were standing as well now. Osferth looked grim but Sihtric was smiling viciously.

“I really would suggest you leave sir,” Finan continued implacably.

“You ain’t gonna tell me what t’ do, you lil’ streak o’ piss, one o’ these bastards gave our Anne a book! A book! What fuckin’ right they got to put idea’s in my missus’ head?” The man ended his accusation by jabbing a finger into Finan’s chest.

Before anyone had a chance to move Finan had grabbed the finger and twisted it backwards making the man howl in outrage and pain.

“Now, I will give you one more chance. _Leave,_ ” Finan hissed.

The drunk swung wildly at Finan with his other hand and then all was chaos.

Uhtred sidestepped Finan to catch the fist of one of the man’s grunts and returned the attempted blow with a swift punch to the gut. Sihtric and Osferth joined the fray, beating back the remainder of the drunk man’s friends.

Finan had the instigator on the floor within seconds, so fast that Uhtred had barely even seen him move, but now more men were joining the fight. Either because they knew the prick who had confronted them or just because they loved a fight.

A fist came near Uhtred’s head but the guy who had swung at him crumpled before the fist could connect and Uhtred realised Finan had kicked the back of his knee.

At some point Sihtric had made his way closer to Uhtred, punching and snarling as he went. Uhtred broke a sailor’s nose and then Sihtric was tugging at his arm.

Osferth clambered over the table to them, kicking out at someone who tried to pull him back.

“Door!” Sihtric shouted above the noise.

Because he could, Uhtred spat at the man who had started it all, still curled up on the floor, though one of his mates was now trying to drag him away.

Finan glared at him and pushed him towards Sihtric and Osferth.

Finally they reached the street outside, Finan still at their rear, knocking back anyone who tried to follow them.

Sihtric whooped and Osferth laughed as they began to run through back-alleys till they had put enough distance between them and the gin palace. The four stopped to catch their breath, ignoring the odd looks from people around.

“What did I tell you Finan? Not a day goes by without trouble,” Osferth laughed.

Sihtric slapped Finan’s shoulder, “At least we know now you’re good in a fight, welcome to the gang! Bastards and orphans we are and always will be but we damn well know how to throw a party!”

“Great,” Finan answered sarcastically.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Till next time!


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So fortnightly updates don't work as well when you're impatient...whoops
> 
> Finan's POV - here we go!

They eventually made their way back to Sihtric and Osferth’s room, acquiring a bottle of whiskey along the way.

Finan could feel his jaw twitching with repressed anger. Was he really to spend the foreseeable future following these miscreants into drunken brawls?

He was hardly unfamiliar with the feeling of stinging knuckles but he hadn’t quite been expecting it on his first damn day.

Uhtred and his friends were clearly oblivious to his ire, the worst part was Finan was required to report to Aelfric at the end of each week and he was currently considering not mentioning the fight at all despite being employed to do exactly that. As much as his current charge’s nonchalance annoyed him, Uhtred had not been the one to instigate the brawl.

If he had had ‘orphan’ and ‘bastard’ thrown in his face he was not sure he would have remained calm either but with the rumours Conall had spread about him he was always so careful with how he reacted to situations like that. And regretful if he did lose his temper.

That was the crux of it he realised, rubbing at his forehead as he felt a headache coming, he did not mind that they had been goaded into a fight. He _minded_ that Uhtred and his companions could not care less, that they almost seemed pleased with themselves.

He had worked hard to rebuild his image and his life after Conall had torn it apart to get him disqualified from their parents inheritance when he returned from the war. Everything he had now he had earned, right down to his darned socks.

This job was meant to be part of that but now he wondered if it might do more harm than good. Whether or not Aelfric gave him a good reference, if he continued to get dragged into fights society might still reject him as a deviant and a thug.

Uhtred and his companions were loud as they clattered up the stairs to Sihtric and Osferths’ room. Finan climbed after them wearily.

On the second floor a woman that Finan thought he had seen in the courtyard earlier poked her head out of her door.

“Oi!... Oh it’s you lads, quiet down a bit will’ya? I’ve only just got the little one to sleep,” she chastised them.

“Sorry Ada, didn’t realise it had gotten so late, we’ll be quiet,” Uhtred smiled at her.

“Care for a nightcap Ada?” Sihtric winked, brandishing the recently acquired bottle of whiskey.

The woman blushed a little and smiled back at them.

“Whatever will I do with you boys, menaces, all three of you. You know full well I have work in the morning, you should consider a hard day’s work sometime,” she teased back, feigning exasperation.

Finan only just managed to refrain from rolling his eyes, he leaned against the wall, if they were going to stand here flirting then he would at least be comfortable whilst they did so.

Unfortunately this seemed to bring their attention to him.

“Oh dear, have you roped someone new into your shenanigans?” Ada peered at him curiously.

Finan straightened up slightly and bowed his head to her politely but refrained from offering an explanation for his presence. He might report directly to Aelfric but he was still the employee here and it was up to Uhtred how much he wanted to divulge.

Uhtred grimaced and Finan had to remind himself that he had suffered worse blows to his pride than this layabout’s displeasure.

It still rankled, it wasn’t like Finan particularly wanted to be here either.

“He’s a family friend my uncle has insisted I show around London,” Uhtred offered finally, a swift excuse for both Finan’s presence and his own annoyance.

“Good Lord, you’ll only see the worst parts of London if you stay with these lads,” Ada laughed.

“That does appear to be my current lot in life but I do as I am bid, ma’am,” Finan smiled wryly at her and she laughed again.

Uhtred was still frowning but Finan couldn’t care less at this moment.

“What’s your name love?” Ada asked.

“Finan, ma’am.”

“Well Finan, if you tire of these louts then you just knock on my door and I’ll whip you up some tea and a scone. And less of the ma’am, I can’t be more than a couple years older than you,” Ada smiled warmly at him.

“Much appreciated Miss,” Finan smiled back.

“We’ve got loutish behaviour to get back to so we’ll take our leave and let you get some sleep Ada,” Uhtred interrupted. His voice was pleasant enough but Finan could see the tick in his jaw.

_What a brat,_ Finan thought.

They said their goodbyes and carried on up the stairs, Finan still trailing behind them.

When they reached Sihtric and Osferth’s room, Osferth got the door open whilst Sihtric giggled on Uhtred’s shoulder about something.

It wasn’t a large room, just enough space for two beds, a chair and a stove but Finan had seen plenty worse. He knew Uhtred would have an allowance but Sihtric and Osferth must have money coming in from somewhere to be able to rent a room with just the two of them and avoid the slums.

He wasn’t sure that he cared to ask, preferring to remain distant so that he could be objective when he made his reports to Aelfric like the man wanted.

Sihtric and Osferth immediately crashed onto the end of their beds and Uhtred all but tripped into the chair, a set up that seemed a matter of habit more than anything else.

Finan hovered by the door, unsure of his place and all too aware that these men were still complete strangers to him. He did not fit in here, he was here to do a job and that was all.

He adjusted the weight on his feet and leaned slightly against the door behind him, preparing for a long night of standing. At least his army training was good for _something._

“Cups!” Sihtric declared and started to root around in the cupboard under the stove, “Finan, you joining us?” he called over his shoulder.

“I’m fine thank you,” Finan answered.

“Come on, it’s less likely to kill you than the water,” Sihtric joked, he found the cups and brought one over, pouring out a generous measure of whiskey before dishing out the rest between Osferth and Uhtred and himself.

Finan took it, knowing he did not have the energy or the patience to argue.

“Oh, what are we doing, Uhtred you’re being rude to our guest,” Osferth exclaimed suddenly. Uhtred, who was now draped sideways over the chair, legs dangling over the armrest, jerked up.

“What are you on about Oz?” Uhtred huffed.

“You should let Finan take the chair, we’ve got a stool round here somewhere you can have, you can’t just leave our guest standing by the door all night!”

“Guest my ass, he’s my uncle’s lap dog, just leave him where he is,” Uhtred retorted, meeting Finan’s eye as if daring him to say otherwise.

Finan couldn’t have told you if it was the bracing sip of cheap whiskey or the long, frustrating day of playing babysitter but he had had enough.

“I am nobody’s _lap dog,_ just because your uncle is paying me to follow you round because you’re incapable of acting like a damn adult instead of a self-absorbed, drunk brat does not mean that he owns me,” Finan spat.

“Ooooh, you got told Uhtred,” Sihtric laughed.

“You don’t know me,” Uhtred spoke quietly but forcefully.

“And I do not need to, I’m here to do a job and that is it but I will happily forsake that to break your nose if you call me a dog one more time,” Finan replied, they stared at each other, neither of them backing down. It seemed as if everyone in the room were holding their breath, waiting for Uhtred’s reaction.

Uhtred was the first to look away, grunting in begrudging respect.

“Fine, you can have the chair,” Uhtred stood and Osferth hopped off the bed to find him a stool. Finan knew that wasn’t the concession Uhtred was really making but he appreciated it all the same.

Finan sank into the chair gratefully, more tired than he realised. He was telling the truth when he had said he did not need know Uhtred to do his job but he had to admit at least to himself that he would rather they were amicable, it would make his life a lot easier.

The stool that Osferth found was a little small and Sihtric almost fell off the bed laughing when Uhtred sat down on it. Even Finan had to hide his smile with his drink, Uhtred looked as though he were joining child’s tea party.

“Oh shut up Sihtric,” Uhtred barked but it only made his friend laugh harder, “Fucks sake, budge up Osferth, I’m not sitting on this damned thing.”

Finally they were settled, Uhtred and Osferth crammed onto the end of Osferth’s bed whilst Sihtric still snickered from the end of his.

Uhtred looked distinctly grumpy but Finan was fast becoming used to that, he watched as Uhtred loosened his neck tie and shucked off his overcoat and jacket, almost dislodging Osferth as he did so. Osferth didn’t seem to mind and Finan had to wonder how long they had all known each other to be so effortlessly comfortable around one another.

For a moment he was jealous, the friends he had thought he had in London had one by one turned their backs on him when he returned from war and it became known that he was to be cut off from the inheritance. A penniless ‘rogue’ was not a desired acquaintance.

Finan turned away, focusing on the burn of whiskey down his throat. He did not enjoy feeling like an intruder on this gathering of friends.

From the corner of his eye he saw Sihtric swing his legs up onto his bed, crossing one under the other as he turned to face Uhtred and Osferth.

“So what are you going to do?” Sihtric asked.

“What, other than try to drink this whiskey faster than my gag reflex can reject it you mean?” Uhtred retorted.

“We’re all doing that, I’m talking about your uncle, you idiot.”

“Less of the idiot if you please,” Uhtred grumbled.

“You can’t carry on like this, I mean he’s having you followed, watched, _reported on_ for god’s sake! No offense Finan,” Sihtric glanced at Finan apologetically.

“None taken,” Finan shrugged amiably. Whatever was going on between Uhtred and Aelfric wasn’t his business as far as he was concerned, he knew when he was approached about the job that it was odd but an opportunity was an opportunity so he wasn’t inclined to question it too much.

Uhtred sighed and took another gulp of his drink.

“There’s nothing I can do Sihtric, you know that as well as I do, he controls everything. Until I turn 25 next year I remain his dependent, that was the condition of my fathers will, I won’t receive a penny of my inheritance till then,” Uhtred answered quietly.

Sihtric huffed, clearly frustrated by his friends predicament.

“Look on the bright side, perhaps Aelfric will die before then,” Osferth commented. Uhtred barked out a laugh.

“Osferth, you sly dog,” Uhtred elbowed Osferth in the side, grinning, “it’s always the quiet ones, eh?”

“Quiet!” Sihtric cried, “You haven’t heard him snore!”

Sihtric and Uhtred fell about laughing whilst Osferth sputtered protests and as easily as that the subject of Uhtred’s uncle was dropped.

~

By the time all the alcohol was gone it was dark and cold outside, Finan having only had one glass of whiskey was feeling it more than the others and shrunk down in his chair slightly, tucking his hands into his suit jacket. He wished he had thought to bring an overcoat but he hadn’t realised they would be out so late, not yet acquainted with the extent of Uhtred’s antics.

Osferth and Uhtred were still upright but at some point Sihtric had flopped backward onto his bed and didn’t seem inclined to move.

Uhtred had been talking quietly to Osferth but looked up then, seeming to remember that Finan was still there.

“I should head home, I doubt Aelfric will let up on me if I allow his new hire to catch cold on his first day,” Uhtred smiled wryly at Osferth.

Finan knew a provocation when he heard one and he told himself not to rise to it, really he did, but he was tired, cold and hungry and it was almost two in the _damn morning_.

“By all means, don’t leave on my account, I’ve never been more comfortable,” Finan insisted.

“You’re visibly shivering,” Uhtred responded with an arched eyebrow, Finan just glared back, miserable he may be but he’d be damned if he admitted it. Uhtred rolled his eyes and leaned across Osferth to grab his jacket and overcoat.

“I’m tired anyway, come on,” Uhtred rose from the bed and waved goodbye to Osferth who stood as well to tidy up their cups and throw a blanket over Sihtric before going to bed himself.

Finan felt his knees creak from being in the same position for so long when he rose to follow Uhtred out the door, he nodded goodbye to Osferth and received a warm smile back.

At least he hadn’t made enemies of them all.

The air was bracing to say the least when Finan and Uhtred reached the courtyard downstairs.

Uhtred paused in front of him, sucking in a deep breath as he pulled on his suit-jacket. Finan frowned at his back, shuffling from foot to foot to try and keep warm, his hands buried as deep in his own suit pockets as they would go.

Uhtred glanced back at him and huffed out a soft laugh.

“Here,” Uhtred threw his overcoat at Finan, Finan only just catching it.

“I don’t need your pity,” Finan grumbled.

“Oh for – fine, put it on or don’t, I don’t care,” Uhtred retorted and stalked off towards the nearest main street to hail a cab.

After a moment’s hesitation Finan pulled the overcoat on and followed.

Uhtred found a hansom easily enough, the city around them still very much awake. Uhtred gave the driver his uncle’s address and hopped in, Finan climbing up after him. For ten awkward minutes they sat opposite each other in complete silence until the driver turned into Great Russell Street and Uhtred thumped on the roof.

Finan knew Aelfric lived further along the street but he didn’t feel inclined to break the silence just to ask why Uhtred was hopping out before they had reached their destination, just followed him out of the cab and back into the cold night air.

Uhtred dug a shilling out for the driver and then began to make his way home at an ambling pace.

There were more street lamps in this part of London so they could see their way easily enough though Uhtred was looking up at the sky more than he was watching where he was going. Finan didn’t see the point, there was nothing up there but smog and smoke.

“I take it you are lodging with us as well,” Uhtred spoke suddenly.

“I am,” Finan answered, half-expecting Uhtred to voice his displeasure but Uhtred just nodded.

“If you need anything ask for Beocca, he’s one of the few people in that house with a kind heart, or if he has gone home, Tillie in the kitchens. No-one else, word will get back to my uncle if you have so much as a hunk of bread that he has not approved and it will be taken from your wages,” Uhtred warned.

“Thank you,” Finan replied, perhaps Beocca and Tillie were not the only ones with a kind heart.

He hunkered down further into Uhtred’s overcoat as they approached the front steps of Aelfric’s house and consoled himself that maybe they could reach a common ground after all. 

A man Finan presumed to be the butler answered the door when Uhtred knocked, Finan nodded his thanks as they were ushered in and tried to remember if they had been introduced yet.

“Thanks Oswi, have you met Finan?” Uhtred asked as he strode past through the hallway.

“Pleased to meet you, sir,” Oswi bowed his head slightly.

“No need for that,” Finan rushed to assure the man, he was closer to Oswi in status than Uhtred these days after all and he found himself uncomfortable suddenly being deferred to.

Finan held his hand out to shake instead and Oswi clasped it with a pleased smile.

“Well now that introductions are out the way, I don’t suppose there’s anything you can sneak away from the kitchens Oswi? I’m half starved,” Uhtred pleaded.

Oswi smiled indulgently at him, clearly used to Uhtred’s habits.

“Tillie put aside a plate when you didn’t appear for dinner, sir.”

“That girl is an angel,” Uhtred effused as he shucked off his jacket and pushed a side door open into a small parlour.

Finan stood awkwardly for a moment and then pulled off his overcoat and followed.

Oswi placed a hand on his elbow, pausing him.

“Would you like that placed in your room?”

“Ah, no it’s Uhtred’s, you can put it back in his room if you don’t mind doing so,” Finan answered. Oswi smiled and took the coat from him and Finan rubbed his jaw, he felt inexplicably embarrassed by the whole exchange and tried to shake it off as he entered the parlour after Uhtred.

Uhtred was already sprawled on one of the armchairs, eyes closed peacefully.

Finan perched on an armchair nearby and waited for Oswi to return with food. When he did return with small plates of bread and cold meats Uhtred and Finan ate in grateful silence.

Uhtred sighed contentedly when his plate was clear and then huffed a soft laugh as he glanced up and caught Finan mid-yawn.

Finan snapped his mouth shut with a glare, it was Uhtred’s own damn fault that he was so tired.

“I suppose I should let you get some sleep,” Uhtred teased and Finan just glared harder, too exhausted and grumpy to do anything else, “let me put these plates away and find Oswi so he can show you to your room.”

Uhtred bounded off with an unfair amount of energy and Finan didn’t see him again. Oswi came and collected him from the parlour to show him to his room and suddenly Finan was alone for the first time since that morning.

He found his things in the corner and undid his waistcoat and shirt with slow movements to change into a nightshirt before crawling into bed. He barely had a moment to consider the jarring change of his surroundings between yesterday and today before sleep washed over him. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> He's already getting put through his paces bless him but we get to learn a little more of Finan's past 
> 
> Also Uhtred has never sat in a chair properly in his life 
> 
> Feedback is as ever incredibly appreciated


	3. Chapter 3

Uhtred awoke slowly, light only just beginning to creep through the window. His head was a little foggy but he had had worse mornings.

He groaned in satisfaction as he stretched, lazily considering what he might do with the day.

He flopped back onto his pillow with a frustrated huff when he remembered that whatever he did he would have a shadow.

He wondered what room Aelfric had given Finan, he had left Oswi to it last night, preferring to go straight to bed. He doubted Aelfric would have given Finan one of the nicer rooms but would he have set him up in the servants quarters? That didn’t seem right either somehow.

Finan clearly carried himself well and had some education, if Uhtred had met him on the street he would have assumed Finan was gentry as well and yet here he was seeking employment. It was curious.

Not that he thought it likely Finan would open up to him about it, Uhtred knew he had acted awfully towards Finan the day before. His anger was with Aelfric not Finan but Finan had been in the unfortunate position of being the symbol of his irritation and had therefore taken the brunt of it.

Uhtred dragged a hand through his hair, he could not continue to do that, it wasn’t fair and it would only make things more difficult than they already were.

There was a quiet knock on his door and Uhtred forced himself out of the warmth of his bed to answer, grabbing his dressing gown as he went.

He had just about satisfied himself that he was decent when he opened the door to a familiar face.

“Tillie, you are a sight for sore eyes,” Uhtred smiled at her.

“I shan’t pretend not to know why they are sore, sir,” she teased back, “I have brought coffee, Master Aelfric has requested breakfast early and for you to be woken.”

“Your task is accomplished, I am awake,” Uhtred winked and stepped back from the doorway, allowing her in so she could set down the tray, he descended upon the coffee gratefully as soon as she had put it on the table.

“Any particular reason my uncle is so keen to start the day?” Uhtred asked.

“Rumour is you’ve been invited to the opera tonight sir and he wants you ready and decent but you ain’t heard it from me, most’a downstairs is in a tizzy at any rate,” she leaned back on her heels as she spoke, tucking an errant strand of dark blonde hair back under her cap.

“Has Clem made anyone cry yet?”

“Wicked,” Tillie swatted Uhtred’s arm and he pretended to be dismayed, “Cook’s just fine, she’s got the girls fixing breakfast whilst she alters her plans for dinner so you can have it early before you go. Speaking of I should be getting on ‘fore I’m missed.”

“Before you go, the new chap, Finan, do you know what room he’s in?” Uhtred asked, staying her.

“Oh him? Interesting ain’t he? Nice accent,” Tillie answered and Uhtred was both amused and slightly put out that she blushed a little as she spoke, “He’s in the room at the end of the hall, why?”

“Could you take him some coffee as well?”

“He’s already awake, Oswi spoke with him not long ago, quite taken with him Oswi is, keeps telling us all how polite he is,” Tillie giggled.

“All the same, could you? As a favour to me? I fear I kept him up later than he is accustomed to last night and I don’t want Aelfric to think I am using him badly” Uhtred pleaded, making good use of his most charming smile.

“Oh very well, I suppose I am quite curious about him but I’m sending cook your way if she complains I’m not doing my share.”

“Deal,” Uhtred nodded.

Tillie rolled her eyes at him and bobbed a quick curtsey before leaving.

“I’ve told you, you don’t need to do that!” Uhtred called after her.

“And I’ve ignored you like always, sir,” she called back as she closed the door behind her.

Uhtred chuckled to himself and took a bracing sip of his coffee before he set about getting ready for the day.

~

Despite what was for him an early start Uhtred was still the last to the breakfast table.

He saw Finan first, he sat stiff-backed, beard freshly groomed and impeccably dressed.

Uhtred couldn’t help but wrinkle his nose slightly, Finan had seemed more human when he had been tired and a little frayed around the edges last night. Now Uhtred was once again faced with the reality that the Irishman was not a companion but Aelfric’s employee.

He slumped into the chair opposite and stubbornly did not acknowledge Aelfric’s gaze from the head of the table.

“Can you not even tie your hair back for breakfast Uhtred, you look like a preposterous dandy,” Aelfric needled him, “I _have_ offered to employ you a valet,” his uncle continued as though Uhtred should be grateful at his concern for his appearance.

“I can dress myself just fine uncle, you need not worry yourself,” Uhtred poked back, flicking his shoulder-length hair away from his neck pointedly, answering Aelfric’s scowl with a flippant grin.

He saw Finan staring at him in disbelief and winked, Finan rolled his eyes.

Finan may be on his best behaviour in Aelfric’s presence but that didn’t mean Uhtred had to be, riling his uncle up was one of the few joys he had in life and he wasn’t about to forego that just because someone else was in the room.

The servants began filing in with breakfast then, laying out platters of eggs and sausages and fresh pots of tea and coffee. Oswi stood to the side directing them and Uhtred smiled his thanks to one of the kitchen girls as she placed the pot of coffee in front of him, she smiled back bashfully and then hurried away when Aelfric glanced disapprovingly at her.

Uhtred poured himself a cup of coffee and offered it to Finan who took it in silence, filling his cup as far as it would go.

Uhtred smirked around his own cup when Finan took a gulp and immediately winced as he presumably burned his tongue. Aelfric ignored both of them as Oswi passed him the morning papers and he buried his face behind them.

Hidden from view was how Uhtred preferred him anyway so he wasn’t about to complain. Finan seemed to relax a little as well and they ate in comfortable silence.

Only when their plates were being cleared away did Aelfric lower the paper, tutting at something he had read.

Finan visibly stiffened in his seat and Uhtred had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep from laughing, knowing neither Aelfric or Finan would appreciate it much.

Finan seemed to sense it anyway and flicked an exasperated glance his way.

“If you are going out today I want you back by 4 o’clock Uhtred, we have been invited to the Royal Opera House by Lady Curthwaite tonight,” Aelfric announced.

“Oh?” Uhtred replied innocently. Lady Curthwaite was a widow that he knew Aelfric had been trying to charm for a while now but he was a second-born son and only held the estate in trust until Uhtred came into his inheritance, not exactly a desired match much to Uhtred’s continued amusement.

“Yes, and you _will_ be respectable, ask one of the girls to press your dinner jacket and no trouble or drinking today,” Aelfric looked at Finan at this and Finan bowed his head slightly, acknowledging the responsibility of keeping Uhtred out of trouble.

Uhtred snorted and drained the last of his coffee, ignoring the glower that Aelfric turned his way.

“Very well uncle, if that is all I shall take my leave,” Uhtred stood to leave the table and heard Finan rise at the same time.

He thought he heard Aelfric mutter something to Finan as well but he was already annoyed and did not care to stay longer than he had to.

Finan caught up to him as he reached his room, Uhtred paused and turned to him.

“Can I help you?”

“If you’re going out, I’m ready when you are,” Finan shrugged.

Uhtred looked up in a silent plea for forbearance but none was forthcoming so he entered his room without a word and slammed the door behind him.

He stood still for a few moments, breathing out the worst of his frustration. _It wasn’t Finan’s fault,_ he reminded himself.

Slowly he gathered himself and set about washing his hands and face in the corner basin and pulling his hair back with the first ribbon he found. He straightened his waistcoat and grabbed an overcoat from his dresser.

After a moments hesitation he grabbed a second coat as well, only because he didn’t want to Finan’s damn teeth chattering again.

He heard voices outside his door when he went to leave and opened it to see Finan and Tillie _giggling_ of all things. He was struck by another wave of annoyance but squashed it down and grinned warmly at Tillie.

“What can I do you for, angel?” Uhtred winked at her and felt mildly better when Finan pulled a face at him.

“Dinner Jacket,” Tillie held out her arms expectantly.

“Oh right,” Uhtred ducked back into his room to grab it, he came back a minute later with an armful of jacket, shirt and slacks.

“Oh that’s right get _more_ creases in them,” Tillie huffed at him as she took the clothes from him and smoothed them down. “Are you going tonight as well Finan?” She asked cheerily, Uhtred didn’t fail to notice that they were already on first name terms.

“I’m not sure, I suppose so?” Finan answered uncertainly, glancing at Uhtred as if he had the answers.

“Well you are my bodyguard aren’t you? What if some impressionable young heiress tries to corner me for a quick grope?” Uhtred teased.

“Firstly I doubt you would need or want my protection for that and secondly has anyone ever told you, you have a pretty high opinion of yourself?” Finan retaliated, Tillie just laughed at the both of them.

“Well played,” Uhtred grinned, “I imagine you are invited, my uncle is just not very good at actually telling people things, he just expects them to know and obey,” he explained bitterly.

Finan grimaced as he recognised the truth of Uhtred’s words, even Tillie became subdued.

“Do you have something to wear?” Uhtred asked to break the awkward atmosphere he had brought upon them.

“A dark navy suit is about the smartest thing I have with me, will it do?” Finan asked hesitantly, already knowing the answer.

“I have a spare black dinner jacket, do you have a white shirt and a bowtie?”

“A shirt yes, but I only have neckties, I can probably buy a bowtie today,” Finan answered.

“No, don’t waste your money, my uncle should have made provisions for you, I have another bowtie I’m sure, Tillie do you mind terribly sorting Finan’s clothes as well?” Uhtred asked.

“Of course not,” Tillie smiled, “Although I might need to take the cuffs up a little on your jacket, do you mind?”

“No it’s fine,” Uhtred ducked back into his room to grab another jacket and Finan disappeared off to his own room to collect a shirt and trousers.

Finan looked distinctly uncomfortable as they re-joined in front of Uhtred’s room and passed the collected clothes to Tillie but she pressed a reassuring hand to his arm.

“You’ll look marvellous, and you’ll tell me all about it tomorrow won’t you?”

“I will,” Finan agreed.

Uhtred smiled gratefully at her as she wondered off and then looked back at Finan, who still seemed a little chagrined.

“Come on, let’s get the hell out of here,” Uhtred picked up the spare overcoat he had chucked on his chair when he had gone to grab the dinner jacket and threw it at Finan.

“I’m not a charity case,” Finan grumbled.

“Never said you were, I’m the one stuck under the thumb of a tyrannical uncle and apparently in need of a bodyguard, I rather think that makes me the charity case don’t you?” Uhtred laughed and Finan relaxed a little.

Satisfied, Uhtred stalked off towards the front door and to the bustling London streets beyond.

~

The cab driver gave Uhtred a funny look when he asked to be taken to Cheapside but Uhtred had long since given up caring what other people thought of him and just hopped in as the driver chivvied the horses into a steady trot.

Finan was still a little quiet which Uhtred found insanely boring when he knew the cab ride would take almost half an hour but he was in a kindly mood at the thought of where they were headed so he left Finan to it.

The hansom pulled up at the end of the street, not able to get any further with the produce markets and other cabs filling up the thoroughfare.

Uhtred jumped out and paid the driver, Finan following. It was overwhelmingly crowded and every type of smell assaulted them.

Uhtred couldn’t help but smile as he waded into the thick of it, this was _his_ London, where he felt most at home. Finan hadn’t even asked where they were going but Uhtred doubted he would be as displeased with the destination as had been yesterday.

Uhtred ambled slowly, St Paul’s Cathedral looming over them in the distance, every now and then a vendor would call out to them. Uhtred mostly walked by but he would stop sometimes, drawn in by the warm smells of honey and wine. That wasn’t what he was after though so he soon moved on.

The smell of waste would sometimes filter through from side streets but Uhtred was long since acclimatised to it and so was Finan if his lack of reaction was anything to go by.

Half way down the street Uhtred stopped by a bread stall.

“Morning ma’am, I’ll take all the iced buns you’ve got,” he greeted the woman pleasantly.

“Certainly sir! Meg wrap these up for the gentlemen will ya’,” she called to, presumably, her daughter.

Uhtred passed the warm bundle to Finan when he received it and got a disgruntled and confused look in return.

He passed a half-sovereign to the woman who flushed and curtseyed her thanks at his generosity.

“Do come back sir,” she called after him as he waved and re-joined the crowd.

“Dare I ask…?” Finan ventured, finally breaking his silence.

“You’ll see soon enough,” Uhtred grinned back at him.

They didn’t have far to go now, the smell of the slaughter yard had begun to permeate the air as they neared the end of the street and Uhtred pulled into an alleyway.

A flower girl stood at the corner and Uhtred dug out a ha’penny for her in exchange for a small posy and then went and knocked at a small door. There was some clattering and raised voices before the door swung open and Uhtred smiled warmly at the woman standing there.

“Uhtred! I wasn’t expecting you today!”

“I like to surprise,” Uhtred winked at her, “how are you, Iseult?”

“Oh you know, same as ever, the kids have been running circles round me this morning,” Iseult laughed softly, wiping her hands on her apron idly.

“I brought some treats for them and some flowers for you,” Uhtred held out the small posy of flowers to her and she huffed in fond exasperation.

“You’re incorrigible,” Iseult told him, “you brought a new friend as well I see.”

“Ah yes, Finan this is Iseult, she’s runs the orphanage here, Iseult meet Finan, he’s uh…,” Uhtred considered saying Finan was a family friend like he had told Ada but this was Iseult, he didn’t feel like lying, “he’s my bodyguard, Aelfric’s idea.”

Iseult’s eyebrow’s rose so high they almost got lost beneath her fringe but she seemed to sense Uhtred didn’t want to talk about it further and greeted Finan politely before stepping back and letting them in.

Uhtred was only halfway down the hall when one of the boys ran screaming at him, immediately grabbing onto his leg.

“Matthew!” Iseult chided as she closed the door behind Finan but Uhtred laughed and scooped the boy up onto his hip.

“I’m away for a couple weeks and this is the greeting I get?” Uhtred teased, “Perhaps I’ll eat all the iced buns myself!”

“Buns!” Matthew cried and the flood-gates opened, children of every age spilling out into the hallway from every direction.

“Alright, alright, yes Uhtred has brought you a treat,” Iseult called above the chaos, “if you want them I best see you all sitting patiently in the kitchen with washed hands.”

As quickly as they had come the children were gone again, Matthew practically vaulting out of Uhtred’s arms.

“Nancy will you pop the kettle on the stove?” Iseult asked one of the older girls as she took the iced buns from Finan, “And get Joshua to set the table.”

Relative quiet descended on them and Uhtred allowed himself to feel a little smug at the stunned expression on Finan’s face.

“Well you certainly know how to make yourself popular,” Iseult prodded Uhtred in the arm as she walked past to make sure the children were doing as they’d been told, Uhtred shrugged, not at all sorry as he followed her.

They were soon all settled, Uhtred and Finan in the corner. Both had offered to help as Iseult corralled the children into some semblance of order and got the tea brewing but were soon shooed away, accused of getting under her feet more than the children did.

Once the iced buns had been shared out Iseult brought over a couple for Uhtred and Finan as well.

Uhtred almost refused, he had meant them for the kids after all but one stern glance from Iseult had him accepting.

“Would you like some tea as well Finan?” Iseult asked, pouring some for herself and Uhtred.

“I’d be much obliged ma’am,” Finan answered.

“Oh just Miss,” Iseult waved a hand at the formality, “never was the marrying sort,” she chuckled.

“Thank you miss,” Finan nodded gratefully to her as she poured a third cup and passed it to him.

“I take it you have been under house arrest again?” Iseult asked Uhtred quietly, pulling up a chair next to him.

“However did you guess?” Uhtred replied archly.

Iseult was distracted by a sudden clatter behind them and one of the younger boys began to cry, having dropped his bun on the floor. She put her tea on the side and hurried off to console him and salvage what she could, leaving Uhtred and Finan to their own devices.

“Is this a regular thing then?” Finan asked.

“What you thought I just got drunk every day?” Uhtred snorted.

“I wasn’t saying that,” Finan bit out, clearly regretting asking and Uhtred felt a moment of shame at his sharp tone.

“I visit when I can, help when I can. Iseult, she’s an old friend and they’re good kids, they deserve to have a place in the world, a home,” Uhtred sighed, smiling as he watched the bustle around him.

“An old friend, eh?” Finan snickered.

“Oh shut up and eat your bun,” Uhtred grabbed the iced bun from Finan’s plate and shoved it in the Irishman’s mouth. Finan spluttered indignantly and Uhtred burst out laughing, Iseult looked at him like he had gone mad but he was in far too good a mood to explain himself so he just laughed harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> They're starting to reach an equilibrium AND I got to sneak Iseult in because I love her
> 
> Till next week!


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've given up on the photo's for now sorry, trying to find one that fits the chapter without using anyone's art is really hard ok
> 
> Anyway back to Finan!

Despite himself, Finan relaxed.

The bubble of anxiety that had sat in his stomach since that morning disappearing under the warm haze of food and drink and the delighted chatter of a dozen children.

Finan couldn’t even remember the last time he had been around so many children all at once. There had been some families at his previous lodgings but he had mostly kept to himself, too caught up with the bitterness of his destroyed life and his efforts to regain some standing in society.

When Uhtred had bought out an entire stall’s worth of iced buns he could not have guessed this was where they would end up. For a half a moment he had considered whether Uhtred had intended to eat them all himself.

He had dismissed the idea with one glance at Uhtred’s physique, the man had proved himself prone to indulgence well enough the previous day but Finan was comfortable concluding that food was not one of Uhtred’s excesses.

Visiting an orphanage was about as far down Finan’s list of expected destinations as it was possible to be and yet here they were. Not only that but Uhtred clearly visited often enough to be known by the children and was indeed friends with the woman running the place.

Finan conceded to himself that he needed to rethink his impression of his charge.

“All well?” Iseult asked as she wandered back over to them.

“Very, thank you miss,” Finan hurriedly swallowed the last of his tea to answer. Iseult was looking at him warmly, as if she had heard his train of thought and Finan shifted a little under her gaze.

“Chopped liver over here is well also,” Uhtred interjected pointedly.

“Uhtred you are fine, I could tell that from one look at you, frustrated perhaps but that is not an unfamiliar feeling for you and it will pass,” Iseult told Uhtred, “No, I am more concerned for our guest here who walked in looking like he was expecting the destination to be the gallows not afternoon tea.”

“Really miss, I’m perfectly well,” Finan insisted.

Iseult however did not seem to believe him in the slightest, looking at him with a level of scrutiny that Finan was entirely unprepared for.

“Uhtred keep an eye on the children,” Iseult commanded, taking Finan’s arm and pulling him from his seat. Startled Finan passed his teacup to an equally bemused Uhtred and followed her from the room.

She let go of him by the time they reached the stairs but he didn't reckon much on trying to escape anyway.

The room they ended up in was the second surprise of the day, Finan took in the dried herbs and coloured shawls and the small circular table in the centre of the room in silence. He had only visited a medium once, dragged there by a friend when he was barely twenty but he recognised the set up well enough.

Iseult was already on the other side of the room pulling unknown things together with a clear sense of purpose. She glanced over her shoulder at him and smiled knowingly at his expression.

"It's a side business, I have some skill and it keeps the children fed and out of the poor house," she answered his unspoken question. In the relative quietness compared to the riot downstairs Finan thought he detected a hint of a Welsh accent.

"'There are more things in Heaven and Earth Horatio…'" Finan quipped in an attempt to reassure her that he wasn't judging, just a little amazed.

"Oh you're quite well-read for a bodyguard, I like that," Iseult laughed.

"You are too," Finan replied, gesturing to the bookcase opposite him.

"Uhtred sneaks us books from his uncle's library," Iseult explained with fond amusement, "it's part rebellion and part kindness but it works out well enough for me and the kids."

She continued with whatever it was she was doing, pulling some dried herbs from the bunches hanging along the wall and throwing them into a bowl to grind. Finan was left to his own devices for the moment and wandered closer to the bookcase.

They were not inexpensive books, Shakespeare's collected plays nestled against _The Rime of the Ancient Mariner_ and Newton’s _Arithmetica Universalis_. Finan also saw more recent publications, books that even from Finan's short acquaintance with Aelfric he could tell the man would not indulge in. Which meant Uhtred must have bought them from his own allowance.

Iseult made a small noise of triumph and Finan turned back to her just as she was walking over to him with a small, tightly bound pouch.

She handed it to him and he raised an eyebrow in silent question.

“Protection,” she told him.

“From who? Uhtred?” he asked, even more confused.

“Goodness no,” she laughed, “I’ll grant you he’s a little unsure how to act around you at the moment so he may be, well, prickly. He hasn’t yet figured out if you are friend or foe but he considers you his responsibility as much as you consider him yours and he would never wilfully hurt you.”

Finan glanced back at the books.

“I, however can already tell that you are a friend and around here we look after friends so please keep this with you,” Iseult insisted, closing his hand around the pouch, “there are other forces working against you Finan and if I can help then I will.”

Finan felt cowed by her concern, unused to it. He thought of Conall, of Aelfric’s glare as he had reminded Finan of his contract that morning. He could use all the protection he could get.

He nodded gently in acceptance of her gift, not trusting himself enough to speak and Iseult smiled back, satisfied.

“Right, now that’s sorted we best make sure Uhtred hasn’t started a fire or anything,” Iseult whispered conspiratorially and headed back down the stairs.

Finan tucked the pouch into his breast pocket and followed.

Thankfully there was no fire when they returned to the kitchen but Uhtred had somehow managed to acquire two children dangling from his arms and was currently swinging them round in circles, only narrowly missing the furniture in the process.

“Uhtred must you cause such mayhem!” Iseult cried and shrieks of delight swiftly turned to groans of disappointment as Uhtred let the children back down to the floor contritely.

Finan dodged the chaos and returned to his chair in the corner, Uhtred joined him a moment later whilst Iseult tried to mollify the children who were protesting that they had been having fun.

“Dare I ask what that was about?” Uhtred asked quietly

“Protection,” Finan shrugged.

“Huh.”

“What?”

“She likes you,” Uhtred peered at him curiously.

“Well I’m a likeable guy,” Finan grinned back.

Uhtred snorted but didn’t dispute the claim and they settled into an easy silence.

~

The day passed comfortably, the smaller children tucked in for their naps, the elder children set up in the living room taking turns to read passages from _Gulliver’s Travels_. Iseult clearly loved the children a great deal and even Uhtred seemed more at ease than Finan had seen him in their short acquaintance.

Aelfric had warned Finan on his acceptance of the job that Uhtred was out of control, a drunk with no care for himself or anyone else and after yesterday he had almost been willing to believe it.

But no-one who didn’t care smiled so easily washing dishes and flicking soapy water at small, giggling children.

Finan got caught in the cross-fire at one point which almost started an all out war until Iseult walked back in and told them off. Uhtred just grinned at her cheekily and her attempt to look stern dissolved into laughter.

The clock chimed three before Finan had even realised how much time had passed.

Uhtred had almost nodded off in a chair by the fire as he listened to the children read and Iseult sound out the words they stumbled over. Finan’s eyelids felt heavy as well but he had promised Aelfric Uhtred would be home by four and so they would.

“Uhtred,” Finan nudged his arm gently.

“Huh?”

“Time to go.”

Iseult looked up from where she was sat on the other side of the living room.

“You’re going?”

“Yes Miss, thank you for your hospitality but we really should be getting on,” Finan spoke as Uhtred stood and stretched next to him.

“Oh shush with the ‘thank you’s ’, friends remember?” Iseult smiled at him.

The children, realising they were about to lose their company gathered round, all talking over one another.

“Don’t go!”

“You’ll be back right?”

“Bring more buns!”

Iseult knew it was no use trying to return them to some sort of order so she let Uhtred deal with it, standing back and watching with a fond smile as he patted their heads and assured them he would be back and bring more treats.

“Will Finan be back too?” one of the boys asked, “I like him, his voice sounds funny.”

Uhtred looked at Finan and laughed, even Finan couldn’t help the wry chuckle that escaped him.

He bent down and ruffled the boys hair.

“How could I refuse?” he smiled, the boy grinned back and then got shy and went to hide behind his friend.

“Alright, alright, let the poor souls go, they have to actually leave in order to come back,” Iseult managed to extricate Uhtred and Finan from the children’s grasp and walked them back to the door.

She took Uhtred’s hand in hers and held it tightly.

“Remember that you have survived worse than your uncle and that you always have a place here, alright? I will see you soon I’m sure,” Iseult assured him.

“You will,” Uhtred affirmed.

“And you,” Iseult turned to Finan, “you have a place here also.”

“Oh sure, just adopt the new guy,” Uhtred teased.

“Uhtred!” Iseult swatted his arm.

“To be fair to her, I am an improvement,” Finan shot back with an easy grin and was gratified when Uhtred burst out laughing.

Iseult stood watching them a moment then raised her hand to her head as if willing away an impending headache.

“Oh Lord, there’s two of them, I’ll never survive it,” she muttered half to herself.

Uhtred was still chuckling by the time they were back on the street.

They made their way back up past the market, it was a little quieter now, many stalls having packed up for the day and they moved easily through the thinned crowd till they spotted a hansom cab.

Finan found himself regretting their return to Great Russell Street and from Uhtred’s silence, Finan guessed he was regretting it too.

~

Thankfully Aelfric was nowhere in sight when they walked through the door and the almost visible storm cloud that had been gathering around Uhtred dissipated a little.

Oswi let them in and offered to take their coats at which point Finan had to awkwardly explain once again that the coat was actually Uhtred’s.

“Just keep it,” Uhtred interrupted, “I don’t see why I need more than one coat anyway.”

“I have my own coat,” Finan insisted.

“Then why on earth are you never wearing it?”

“I just haven’t gotten around to mending it but it’s perfectly serviceable.”

Uhtred paused, looking at him thoughtfully and Finan met his gaze steadily, unwilling to back down. He had already accepted Uhtred’s help with evening attire for the opera, he did not think his pride could bear this as well.

“Well then, I propose you just borrow it until your coat is mended, that sound acceptable?”

Finan inclined his head in agreement and Oswi, who had been hovering, took the coat from him.

“Right, now I don’t know about you but I could do with a rest before I have to face dinner with my charming uncle. What time _is_ dinner, Oswi?”

“Half four, sir, I believe Master Aelfric counted on you being late not early,” Oswi commented with a hint of a smile.

“I do so love not being predictable,” Uhtred grinned swiftly, “see you at dinner then,” he waved lazily at Finan and sauntered off to his room.

Finan stood awkwardly for a moment before excusing himself to Oswi and heading back to his own room.

He sagged back against the door once he was alone, dragging a hand across his face. It was only his second day and things were already far more complicated than he had planned on. He wasn’t so much a guard as he was a pawn in a strange power struggle between Uhtred and Aelfric.

The worst part was he wasn’t even sure what side he was on, hired by Aelfric but finding himself swayed by Uhtred.

Finan exhaled noisily and went to wash his hands and face. He would find no solution right now but he could at least look presentable for dinner.

~

At exactly twenty past four Finan left his room to collect Uhtred. He raised his fist to knock on the door just as it swung open, a slightly bleary-eyed Uhtred staring at him in surprise.

“You fell asleep?” Finan dropped his hand in shock.

“So? I still woke up in time didn’t I? Come on, lets get this over with,” Uhtred grumbled, voice still slightly raspy.

“No, turn around, he will have my guts for garters if you show up at the dinner table looking like that,” Finan not so gently herded Uhtred back into his room.

“Oi! You’re my guard, not my nursemaid,” Uhtred protested.

“Everything you do reflects on me now, you do understand that don’t you?” Finan huffed.

Uhtred went quiet at that, as if only just realising that that was in fact the new reality for both of them.

“Button up your waistcoat will you?” Finan told him whilst he looked for a brush, he found it next to the basin and wet it slightly before passing it over. Uhtred finished buttoning and took it from him.

Finan moved past him to the cupboard and pulled out the first half-decent suit jacket he found, the one Uhtred had been wearing earlier remaining abandoned and creased on the chair.

Uhtred was just finishing tying back his hair when Finan handed him the jacket, Uhtred pulled it on and turned to Finan.

“Will I do?”

“You’ll do,” Finan nodded, Uhtred cracked a smile and Finan couldn’t help but chuckle, his annoyance forgotten.

They were on time to dinner but only just and Aelfric’s displeasure hung heavy in the air. Still, Finan thought it would have been worse had Uhtred turned up looking as dishevelled as he was so on balance it was worth it.

It was just as silent and tense as breakfast had been only without the reprieve of Aelfric being buried behind the morning papers or the amusement of Uhtred riling his uncle.

Not that Finan wasn’t glad Uhtred was eating quietly without goading Aelfric, Aelfric seemed waspish enough as it was, snapping at the servants no matter what they did. It set Finan’s teeth on edge.

It was only once the last course had been cleared away that Aelfric broke the silence.

“The carriage will be brought round at six sharp, I expect you both to be in the hall, ready, before then. Finan you have suitable attire I presume?”

“I do sir, thank you,” Finan nodded, he glanced at Uhtred who just winked at him and looked quickly away again.

“Good,” Aelfric answered, thankfully not noticing the exchange, “and Uhtred, you know very well my expectation of you so be about it.”

“Yes Uncle,” Uhtred agreed.

Seemingly satisfied Aelfric left the table first, leaving Uhtred and Finan to follow. Uhtred jostled into him as they left the room.

“Come on, best find Tillie with our dinner jackets,” Uhtred prompted him, Finan only just realising that he had been frowning now that he wasn’t.

They didn’t have to go far to find Tillie, she was already waiting for them outside Uhtred’s door.

“There you are! Hurry up will youse, time to get all prim and proper,” she smiled at them, passing over their freshly pressed clothes.

“Thank you, Tillie,” they both echoed back to her.

“Of course, just remember you promised to tell me all the gossip, I gotta get back, I’ll see you both tomorrow!” she bobbed half a curtsey and was off back down the hall all in the space of one breath.

Uhtred glanced at Finan.

“I promised nothing so looks like its on you to relay all the gossip tomorrow,” he teased.

“Oh aye, like you won’t tell her everything anyway,” Finan rolled his eyes.

“There’s a special joy in seeing Aelfric fawning over Lady Curthwaite, far be it from me to hoard that joy all to myself,” Uhtred grinned.

“How much fawning are we talking here?”

“Oh, you’ll see, meet me back here in half an hour? Still need to find you a bowtie.”

“Mm, till then,” Finan agreed easily and went to dress.

He was ready before the half hour was up, even with how long it had been since he had dressed so properly nervous energy had hurried his fingers along. He only had water to tamp his hair down but it would have to do.

Distractedly he adjusted his cummerbund and shirt, worried that they looked a little worn next to his borrowed suit. Nothing for it he supposed, he knew exactly the sort of people he would be surrounded by tonight and they would judge him no matter what. He had long since learned to ignore it.

He washed his hands once more and went to find Uhtred.

Uhtred, who was holding a tumbler of whiskey when he opened the door.

“Can I really not leave you alone for five minutes?” Finan sighed.

“Oh come on, it’s one little post-dinner, pre-opera snifter. My uncle didn’t want me drinking today, which I didn’t, but it is now night so I’m free to do as I please,” Uhtred smiled.

“Very clever.”

“Yes, I thought so,” Uhtred responded smugly and walked back into his room, leaving Finan to follow, half torn between exasperated and amused. He shut the door behind him, not wanting the whole house to know he was borrowing more of Uhtred’s clothes.

Despite helping himself to a drink Uhtred had managed to be mostly ready, only his jacket, shoes and bowtie were waiting to be put on. It was strangely disconcerting to see Uhtred in his socks and Finan busied himself by looking around the room whilst Uhtred rooted around in the drawer for another black bowtie.

It was sparse, Finan realised, the furniture was nice enough, the wallpaper, though not the current fashion, pleasant to look at. But the room didn’t even look lived in. It may as well have been a guest room.

Uhtred returned to him, interrupting his thoughts.

“Here,” he held out a black silk bowtie and took another sip of his drink.

“Thank you.”

Finan turned to tie it in the mirror, only half paying attention as he listened to Uhtred clattering about behind him. He couldn’t help but wonder how this man, only two years younger than him and heir to a vast estate, managed to not have a home anymore than Finan did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Finan's relaxing enough to make jokes! But also now he's conflicted cause uh turns out Uhtred is kind of a good guy and Finan's employment depends on him snitching on Uhtred...oops?


	5. Chapter 5

Uhtred’s limbs felt heavy with the dread of the evening as he sat on the edge of his bed watching Finan adjust his borrowed bow tie. Would Finan’s presence make it better or worse, he wondered.

There was a knock at the door, Uhtred drained the last of his whiskey in one gulp and went to answer it.

“Evening sir, I thought it best to warn you that Master Aelfric is almost ready if you want to be in the hallway before him, I’ve also brought your hat and scarf,” Oswi proffered the items to him.

“What would I do without you, Oswi?” Uhtred sighed gratefully.

“Fall apart I’m sure, sir,” Oswi smiled, “Beocca stopped by earlier as well, sir, asked me to relay a message.”

“Oh?”

“He says if you manage to behave the whole night he’ll ask Thyra to make your favourite treacle pudding next time you come round for dinner.”

“He does realise I’m not thirteen anymore and he can’t just bribe me with sweets every time he wants me to do something,” Uhtred laughed, “alright, alright I’m sure I’ll get a lump of coal if I do otherwise and treacle pudding is vastly preferable, I’ll be a perfect gentleman I promise.”

“Very good sir, oh Mr O’Neill you are here too!” Oswi effused, Uhtred glanced over his shoulder and saw that Finan had joined them. “I hope you don’t mind, I’ve brought you a hat as well just in case.”

“Thank you Oswi, that’s very kind of you,” Finan rumbled, Uhtred stepped aside slightly to let Finan take the hat and marvelled at how brightly Oswi smiled at the Irishman. Tillie hadn’t been wrong when she said Oswi was quite taken with the man.

In fact Uhtred was starting to think everyone he knew had decided without him that Finan was quite the best of them. Iseult with her protection charms, Tillie with her blushes, Oswi with his eager helpfulness. Even Sihtric and Osferth had seemed to like him.

But it was something else that caught Uhtred’s attention.

“We’ll be out in a moment Oswi,” Uhtred prompted him.

“Of course, have a good evening sirs,” Oswi nodded, still smiling.

“You too, Oswi,” Uhtred replied, Finan thanked him again and Oswi left them to it.

“O’Neill?” Uhtred asked when he had shut the door again, “Of the Kensington O’Neill’s?”

Finan met his gaze only briefly before looking away.

“Distantly,” Finan acknowledged though by the clench of his jaw it seemed to Uhtred that it was a half-truth at most. He let it drop, not feeling like he had the right to push.

He didn’t really have the right to anything Uhtred realised, in the mess of the last couple days he hadn’t even asked Finan’s full name. How was he even supposed to apologise for something like that?

~

It was still playing on his mind when Aelfric met them at the door and led the way to the carriage outside. It was a quiet journey and thankfully not long, they could have walked it really but that would have been unseemly so they joined the queue of carriages outside the Theatre Royal and waited to be let out.

Uhtred sucked in a deep breath when he stepped out of the carriage, earning him a sharp glance from Aelfric. He ignored his uncle and turned to Finan who was just stepping down beside him.

“Ready for a night surrounded by the rich and snooty?” Uhtred muttered quietly enough to avoid his uncle’s ire.

“I’m ready if you are,” Finan snickered.

“Never,” Uhtred grinned, “but here we go anyway.”

Aelfric had already pulled ahead of them, no doubt eager to meet Lady Curthwaite, so they went to catch him up.

Men collected their hats and coats at the door and they walked in to a gush of warm air. The foyer was packed, men and women dressed in their finest all flush in the light of the chandeliers.

Uhtred saw a few faces he recognised but Aelfric was already moving through the crowd with purpose so he followed without argument.

“Have you ever been here before?” Uhtred asked Finan as they made their way up the grand staircase.

“Once, when I was younger,” Finan replied, “it’s much the same as I remember.”

“These sorts of places only change if they get burned down, which this place has a couple times so let’s hope for once more and perhaps we’ll be allowed to go home,” Uhtred joked.

“It may just be me but I’m starting to believe you dislike society functions,” Finan grinned lopsidedly at him. Uhtred barked out a laugh and Aelfric turned to frown at them.

“Decorum please,” Aelfric chided them. Uhtred wanted to bite back but he felt more than saw Finan go quiet and tense beside him and couldn’t help but remember his words, ‘ _Everything you do reflects on me now’_.

“Yes Uncle,” Uhtred conceded, hiding his clenched fists behind his back. Aelfric narrowed his eyes at him but didn’t call Uhtred out on the clear dislike in his voice, continuing on his way.

It was the one silver lining of being dragged to these events, Aelfric could no more yell at him than Uhtred could yell at Aelfric when they were in public.

The Crush Room was just as busy as the entrance hall had been but Aelfric knew what he was looking for and was soon moving swiftly to Lady Curthwaite’s side, Uhtred and Finan tailing quietly behind.

“Lady Curthwaite, you look resplendent as always,” Aelfric bowed and kissed her hand. She watched him shrewdly, the feathers in her greying hair bobbing with each slight movement.

“Lord Brandon, a pleasure,” she smiled politely, “and your nephew is here as well, wonderful.”

Uhtred bowed slightly in acknowledgement, he never could tell if she was actually pleased to see them or not but she continued to keep their acquaintance so she must get something out of it.

A server wandered past and Lady Curthwaite retracted her hand from Aelfric’s grasp to beckon him, taking a flute of champagne from the tray delicately when he arrived. Aelfric helped himself as well and the server turned to Uhtred, Uhtred smiled at him and took two glasses, passing one to Finan.

“You’ll need this,” Uhtred whispered.

Finan nodded gratefully before their attention was drawn back to Aelfric simpering over Lady Curthwaite.

“Truly you look marvellous tonight, you are the envy of every woman in the room,” Aelfric effused, “and there appear to be a great many here tonight. Pray, do tell me if you grow too warm and I will gladly escort you to take some air on the balcony.”

“I am quite well, thank you,” she assured him and turned her curious eye to Uhtred and Finan, “is this a new acquaintance?”

“Ah, forgive me, this is Mr O’Neill. He is currently in my employ and circumstances required that he be here tonight,” Aelfric explained.

“A pleasure, Lady Curthwaite,” Finan bowed. Uhtred’s fingers twitched around his glass, Aelfric had immediately made Finan’s place clear and Uhtred braced himself for a cruel comment.

“O’Neill? How very intriguing,” she commented and indeed she did seem intrigued, her face more alight than it had been since they had first greeted her. Uhtred almost breathed a sigh of relief but Finan only seemed to tense up more if that was possible.

Uhtred’s gaze flickered to him questioningly, there was definitely a story behind his family name.

“Tell me Mr O’Neill, how do you like the Theatre Royal thus far?” Lady Curthwaite continued.

“Very well, ma’am,” Finan answered dutifully and she appeared disappointed but undeterred that he did not offer more.

“And are you finding Lord Brandon to be a good employer?” she asked and even Aelfric looked as though he were about to protest the line of questioning but they were saved in the next moment by a touch at Uhtred’s elbow.

“Imagine seeing you here,” a soft voice spoke behind him and Uhtred turned, smiling, already knowing that voice as well as he knew his own.

“Gisela, I came only for you,” Uhtred greeted her warmly, it was a lie, he had not known she would be here and by her laugh she knew that but he was still incredibly happy to see her, a friend amongst vultures.

“Good evening to you Lady Curthwaite, Lord Brandon,” Gisela curtsied.

Uhtred watched her fondly as they all exchanged pleasantries until Lady Curthwaite announced that she would take some air after all and allowed Aelfric to lead her outside.

“Well,” Gisela grinned swiftly, pulling on Uhtred’s arm with impatient familiarity now that they were no longer under Aelfric’s watchful gaze, “who is this?”

“Gisela this is Finan, Finan this is Gisela, my oldest and best friend,” Uhtred introduced them.

“Oh do not call me old,” Gisela teased.

“Pleased to meet you Miss,” Finan bowed slightly.

“No need to be formal love, any friend of Uhtred’s is a friend of mine,” Gisela assured him affectionately, Finan glanced at Uhtred as though to ascertain if he should correct her on being called a friend.

“Uncle has hired him as my bodyguard, he is meant to keep me out of trouble,” Uhtred explained, “but he’s a decent enough sort for an Irishman.”

“And you are every bit as much of a nuisance as I would expect an Englishman to be,” Finan retorted.

“Guilty as charged,” Uhtred winked.

“Goodness, really?” Gisela interjected, “What does that mean then? You tell Aelfric everything that Uhtred does?”

“I’m to report on any ‘improper’ behaviour once a week,” Finan confirmed, “but mostly I am meant to be there to prevent any misadventures occurring in the first place.”

Uhtred took a swig of his drink to wash away the discomfort of their position.

“Uhtred!” Gisela cried, “You can’t be happy with this, he already controls so much, you cannot let him control your every waking hour!”

“It will all be fine, I promise,” Uhtred cupped her cheek gently to reassure her.

“Miss, if I may?” Finan spoke up, “It is not my intention to spy on Uhtred, I am here to protect him and I will only tell Aelfric what is necessary.”

Gisela quietened, appeased but Uhtred looked at Finan with surprise. That was far more leniency than Uhtred had expected and probably not at all the instructions his uncle had actually given Finan.

Finan was staring back at him calmly but Uhtred felt stunned, he couldn’t tell what was going through Finan’s head at all.

“Well if it is as you say then I shall not hold Aelfric’s machinations against you,” Gisela accepted, drawing Uhtred’s attention back again, “only make sure that you do look after him or you will have me to contend with,” she warned.

“I shall keep that in mind,” Finan smiled warmly.

“Now that that’s sorted, have you any idea what’s actually playing tonight? I don’t think I’ll be able to follow it at all, my Italian was always terrible much to my brother’s despair,” Gisela rolled her eyes.

“How is your dear brother?” Uhtred asked.

“Oh do not start me, you have your tyrant and I have mine, let’s leave it at that,” Gisela laughed wryly, “have you been to the opera before Finan?”

“Once, a good few years back,” Finan answered.

“Well you haven’t missed anything, I always fall asleep and get told off by my grandfather and brother,” Gisela confided with a mischievous grin.

“It’s because you snore,” Uhtred teased.

“Oh but only to drown out your snores,” Gisela shot back, making Uhtred laugh.

“You never know, I may be able to drown out the both of you,” Finan added.

“A new challenger! Tonight might be interesting after all,” Gisela laughed.

~

It wasn’t long before the announcement was made for everyone to find their seats and Uhtred spotted Aelfric and Lady Curthwaite making their way back to them.

Gisela squeezed his hand and said her goodbyes to him and Finan before heading off to find her brother.

Aelfric looked horribly pleased with himself when they returned and Uhtred drained the last of his champagne before handing off his and Finan’s empty glasses to a passing server.

“Shall we?” Lady Curthwaite invited, leading the way to her usual box, Aelfric strode next to her, clearly enjoying the air of superiority as people made way for them, Uhtred and Finan following behind.

The first half passed dully as expected but Uhtred made his own entertainment by pulling faces at Finan behind Aelfric’s back and watching the Irishman try not to crack. That is until Finan started pulling faces back and it was Uhtred’s turn to try not to snicker.

It was nice, Uhtred realised, having someone beside him that he could joke with at an event like this even if it did earn him a kicked shin every now and then.

He remembered how he used to cling to Gisela as a teenager, already having developed a healthy dislike of most others his age from the genteel classes. They had been separated more and more as they grew older, Guthred demanding Gisela’s presence to meet with suitors of similar peerage, and so Uhtred had often found himself with none but his uncle for company.

It had made most every society event a grim prospect.

Tonight was not so grim thankfully and Uhtred had Finan’s company to thank for that.

By the time intermission rolled round he was almost cheerful, especially when Aelfric was too distracted with his attempts at flirtation to notice Uhtred escape for a smoke on the balcony.

It was crowded even out here and they meandered past everyone to lean against the balustrade, Uhtred offering a cigarette to Finan as well and striking a match to light both.

They stood in comfortable silence, enjoying the night air until their peace was imposed upon.

“Uhtred is that you?!”

Uhtred turned and wrinkled his nose as he saw who it was.

“Haesten,” Uhtred acknowledged the man reluctantly.

“It is you! I would more likely have expected you down at the docks carousing with sailors than joining us society folk for a civilised evening of opera,” Haesten grinned viciously, his voice loud enough to attract a few curious stares.

“The day you are considered civilised is the day all civilisation collapses,” Uhtred bit back, Haesten laughing it off exaggeratedly.

“Good to see you, good to see you!” Haesten clapped him on the shoulder, ignoring Uhtred’s disdainful look as he was shrugged off, “And will you introduce me to your friend?”

Uhtred was saved the task as Finan moved to subtly position himself between Uhtred and Haesten.

“Finan O’Neill sir, and you are?”

“Oh just an old friend of Uhtred’s, Finan O’Neill hm? Now there is a name I have not heard in a while,” Haesten’s grin widened and Uhtred tensed knowing it meant trouble. “The only Finan O’Neill I know of was a disinherited reprobate, rumoured to have drunk himself to death in poverty and squalor so that couldn’t possibly be you, could it?”

Uhtred saw Finan’s fingers twitch and felt his own anger rise in response.

“Anyone would drink themselves to death to escape your company Haesten,” Uhtred snapped, stubbing out his cigarette and pulling at Finan’s arm.

“Uhtred you wound me!” Haesten called after them as Uhtred led Finan back inside, refusing to engage. He pulled into the nearest corner to give Finan a moment to compose himself before they re-joined Aelfric.

Finan looked furious, almost impressively so.

“Haesten cannot open his mouth without upsetting someone,” Uhtred sighed in an attempt to reassure but Finan was still glaring at the floor, refusing to meet his gaze.

“You don’t have to explain it to me,” Uhtred continued quietly, “it does not matter to me who you were before.”

That at least brought Finan’s eyes to his.

“I wasn’t.”

“Wasn’t what?”

“A drunk,” Finan hissed, “it’s all _lies_ spread by my dear little brother to disqualify me from my inheritance.”

Uhtred breathed out heavily.

“That’s… that’s pretty awful actually, can’t you fight it?” Uhtred asked.

“Have you any idea how drawn out and convoluted inheritance disputes are? I really would die in poverty or in a debtors prison by the time I had finished paying the lawyers,” Finan huffed, at least now that he was talking he seemed to calm down slightly Uhtred noted.

“So, what? You give up?”

“No, I got back up and worked hard to earn my way and to restore my name,” Finan frowned at him, “and you may dislike my presence in your life but this job goes a long way towards doing that.”

“I don’t dislike your presence,” Uhtred told him honestly, “the circumstances that introduced you into my life perhaps but I don’t dislike your presence.”

Finan blinked at him but Uhtred didn’t give him time to respond, not knowing what response he would have wanted anyway.

“Come on, we should find my uncle, it will be time to head back to the auditorium soon.”

~

If Uhtred had not been paying attention during the first part of the opera, he paid even less attention during the second half.

Uhtred didn’t know what had possessed him to tell Finan what he had but the more he considered it, the more he realised it was the truth. In the space of only a couple days Finan had slotted into Uhtred’s life seamlessly, as if he had always been there.

Uhtred had always believed himself quite a solitary person, as happy in his own company as he was in the company of his friends but perhaps that had only been true out of necessity. Perhaps it was companionship such as this that Uhtred had been lacking.

It was bizarre, the way that his gut told him he could trust Finan when rationally he understood that he barely knew the man and everything about their situation implied he very much shouldn't trust him. 

Idly fiddling with his cufflinks and avoiding the glances that Finan shot him every now then Uhtred decided that he would just have to wait and see. He didn’t ever want to have to rely on someone else but for now he would go with his gut, trust Finan and enjoy his company without overthinking the consequences.

“So how many people do you think we can spot sleeping?” Uhtred whispered to Finan conspiratorially.

“Oh at least fifty,” Finan smiled widely back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apparently the Royal Opera House was only named that in 1892, before that it was the Theatre Royal - who knew! And yeah it had already burned down twice by the 1880's which I'm sure Uhtred is very pleased about 
> 
> Next Sunday is my birthday so I'm not sure I'll be able to post then, there's not exactly much I can do with current restrictions but I do have some plans. If I finish editing early then I'll post on Saturday and if not I'll aim for Monday :)


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's late I know, I have no excuses, just a bad brain OTL
> 
> Hopefully the trope-y goodness herein makes up for it?

“Have you seen this?” Uhtred wandered in unannounced, coffee in one hand and newspaper in the other.

“Uhtred I’m barely dressed!” Finan chided.

“Oh who cares, it’s only me, more importantly the Ripper’s killed another one, in Spitalfields this time.”

“Sweet Jesus,” Finan breathed, abandoning his waistcoat and walking over to where Uhtred was now perched on the end of the bed, “is it really him?”

“No doubt about it, says she was all cut up, even worse than the others,” Uhtred commented, spreading the newspaper across the bedspread.

“But it’s not Whitechapel?”

“No, but it’s not far. It has to be him, unless you know someone else going around cutting out women’s organs?”

“Very funny,” Finan deadpanned.

“Apparently a massive crowd gathered to protest the bobbies not catching him yet.”

“I’m not surprised, it’s been months and they’re no closer to finding him, people are scared.”

“Are you scared?” Uhtred asked, only half serious.

“I would happily meet him in a dark alley, see how he likes being gutted,” Finan declared roughly.

Uhtred turned his head slightly to where Finan was leaning over his shoulder to read the newspaper.

“What?” Finan asked.

“Nothing,” Uhtred grinned, “I just think we really would have been friends in another life.”

Finan had to bite back asking if they weren’t friends now. He had had to do that a few times over the last couple weeks. The thing about Uhtred, Finan had realised, was that he drew people to him.

He saw it in the faces of every one of Uhtred’s circle that he had been introduced to, they looked to him, they loved him even not least because Uhtred clearly loved them back. It was a heady mix for someone who had spent the majority of his life not feeling particularly close to anyone.

Finan stepped away to finish getting dressed and to put some distance between them. He knew well enough that he wasn’t immune to Uhtred’s effect, swayed into wanting to protect him rather than control him as had been his initial instruction within a matter of days.

Thankfully Aelfric either hadn’t noticed or hadn’t cared that his reports were stilted and vague.

“What’s the plan today?” Finan asked as he buttoned his waistcoat.

“Nothing really but it’s far too boring to just stay here, we could just wander about and see what trouble we can get into,” Uhtred winked.

“Sounds like a brilliant plan.”

“Really?”

“No,” Finan raised an eyebrow and Uhtred, of all things, stuck his tongue out at him. Finan barked out a surprised laugh, unable to help himself as Uhtred grinned smugly at the reaction he had garnered.

“Alright, well what’s your suggestion?” Uhtred asked.

“We could go to Hyde Park? Stretch our legs a bit and find a decent pub for lunch?”

“Or we could avoid the snobs comparing how fancy their baby perambulators are and just go straight to the pub?” Uhtred countered, “The Dog and Duck by Sihtric and Osferth’s place does a mean meat and potato pie.”

“Fine but I need more coffee if I have to deal with the three of you carousing.”

“By all means, here have the rest of mine, I’ll grab you the pot from my room. I’m more than awake now anyway,” Uhtred held his cup out to Finan.

Finan hesitated, it felt weirdly intimate somehow.

“What you scared of my germs?” Uhtred teased.

“Who knows where you’ve been,” Finan retorted but took the cup anyway, Uhtred smiled knowingly at him and stood to go back to his room. Finan drank the coffee in two gulps and though it was barely above luke warm it still seemed to burn its way down his throat.

~

The Dog and Duck was not as dismal as Finan had been imagining thankfully, it was almost cosy. Uhtred gave a lad outside a few coins to run and tell Sihtric and Osferth where they were so they could join them before heading inside.

Uhtred waved ‘hello’ to the bartender who nodded back with enough familiarity that Finan guessed Uhtred joined Sihtric and Osferth here fairly regularly.

There were a few patrons standing at the bar but it wasn’t overly busy and Uhtred and Finan managed to snag a few chairs close to the fireplace whilst they waited for the other’s to join them. Finan flexed his fingers in the warmth of the fire, it was getting colder and colder out, winter would set in soon.

“Can I get you boys anything?” a woman walked up to them, her smile a little forced around the edges but Finan couldn’t blame her if she was here dealing with drunks all day every day.

“Just two watered down ales and meat pies thank you,” Uhtred requested.

“Are we sure the meat is meat?” Finan whispered to him when she walked away.

“We’re sure,” Uhtred chuckled, “there’s a place up the road if you fancy something else?”

“I’m good thanks,” Finan grimaced.

It wasn’t long before the food and drinks were brought to them and Finan was just breaking the crust of his pie when he heard the clattering arrival of Sihtric and Osferth as well.

The time passed amiably, midday coming and going and the afternoon closing in swiftly after. The food was as good as promised and the fire a cheerful companion to their laughter and chatter.

The Ripper was at the forefront of conversation of course, at one point half the bar including the woman who had served them and the bartender joined in on swapping rumours and theories. It was on everyone’s minds.

Osferth was convinced the peelers would catch him soon but Uhtred and Sihtric were doubtful. Finan thought it more likely someone who knew him would figure it out and turn him in.

By the time they had exhausted all discussion it had turned dark outside and with a glance he and Uhtred silently agreed they should probably head home, Aelfric still expected them for dinner after all.

Wrapping themselves up against the cold again they said their goodbyes, Sihtric and Osferth declaring they would stay for one more drink as they were so close by. Sihtric clapped him on the shoulder as he stood and Finan nudged him back with a smile.

He no longer felt like a stranger in their company.

“Shall we walk back?” Uhtred proposed once they were stood outside.

“In this weather?”

“What? It’s dry and you did say you wanted to stretch your legs this morning, it’s not so far honestly. Besides I know a shortcut.”

“Alright, lead on then,” Finan acquiesced easily, in too good a mood to argue.

Uhtred’s shortcut as it turned out was more of a slow meandering stroll through various alleyways and side streets. Finan’s breath misted a little in front of him but he was warm enough in his coat to enjoy the crispness of the air.

There was always something a little magical about London in the autumn and winter months, something he thought he had forgotten how to appreciate.

“I should receive my first month’s wages this week,” Finan commented.

“Well Mr high-roller, and what do you plan to spend it on, what does Finan O’Neill desire most?” Uhtred spread his arms out with a smile, as if Finan could buy all of London if he so wished.

Finan watched him gesticulating with a grin and wondered if he didn’t already have what he desired most.

“I thought I might invest in a warm scarf if you’re going to be dragging me through the cold night streets like this regularly,” Finan teased as he skirted around a man leaning up against the wall. Probably drunk, Finan thought, but no business of his.

“Beocca’s wife, Thyra, makes wonderfully thick woollen scarves. I’m sure she would make you one if you asked.”

“She hasn’t even met me,” Finan pointed out.

“Well then that should be remedied, Beocca promised me a dinner after the opera anyway. She’ll like you,” Uhtred asserted, knocking his elbow against Finan’s arm, “and you’ll like her, she’s like an older sister… oh, beg pardon sir-”

Uhtred broke off as he almost collided straight into a man standing in the middle of the alleyway, he didn’t respond, barely even looked up at them from beneath the brim of his flat-cap.

“Good evening to you sir,” Finan spoke firmly, pushing Uhtred gently around him but the man raised his arm, blocking their path. Finan could see the glint of a knife in his hand and immediately pulled Uhtred back behind him.

“We don’t want any trouble,” Finan told the man. He did look up now, with a cocky grin, but his eye’s weren’t focused on them, they were focused on something over Finan’s shoulder.

“Don’t think it’s up to youse what kinda trouble you're in lads,” came a voice behind them and Finan turned slightly to see they were very much trapped.

“I don’t have much coin on me but you can have it if that’s what you’re after,” Uhtred spoke calmly beside him. Finan had almost forgotten he still had a grip on Uhtred’s arm but didn’t let go, if they had to run it was better to keep hold of each other.

“Oh don’t worry your pretty little head ‘bout your coin, we just thought we’d have some fun, didn’t we?” the man behind them continued to speak, the man in front just laughing gutturally in response.

Finan glanced between the two men and tried to figure out the best way of getting them out of this. The man in front seemed a little twitchy, if Finan could surprise and disarm him quick enough then he could turn and deal with the other one. The only problem was if the first proved at all more difficult to subdue than he estimated then it gave the second far too much time to reach Uhtred.

It was making him hesitate which was only making things worse because it gave their assailants too much time pre-empt any attack Finan had planned.

“You take one, I’ll take the other?” Uhtred whispered to him.

“What? No!” Finan hissed back, “I’ll deal with this, just let me think.”

“If you two’s are quite done, I’d prefer if you came with us quietly like good boys,” the man behind spoke again, Finan could see he had a knife as well and he was presumably the one in charge.

“Finan, do you trust me?” Uhtred continued as if there had been no interruption.

“This isn’t a brawl in a pub, they’re serious and armed and I promised I would protect you,” Finan argued back.

“Do you trust me?” Uhtred insisted.

Finan could feel the quake of fear that ran through him like it was a living thing.

“Yes,” he admitted quietly.

Uhtred had pulled out of his grip in the next moment to face the man behind and Finan moved to stand at his back, facing the man in front.

“I take it that means youse won’t be coming quietly, well no-one said we couldn’t draw a little blood so more fun for us.”

Finan swerved as their first assailant swung at him before the second had even finished talking. He tried to keep Uhtred in the corner of his eye as he saw him squaring off against the man but the twitchy one was still coming at him with the knife.

Finan side-stepped again, the movements were obvious enough but still lethal if he dropped his guard for even a moment. He kicked outward, halting the man’s movement but only just glancing off his shin.

He didn’t like playing defensive, he wanted this over quickly so he could help Uhtred if he needed to but the man was considering him now, taking more care in his approach as he smiled viciously.

He slashed towards Finan’s face, Finan only just managing to twist out of his way, the man close enough that he could smell the stink of his breath. For a heart-stopping moment he was off balance and the man jabbed at him again, coming perilously close to his neck.

Finan did the only thing he could think of which was to grab onto the man’s arm to regain his balance, he tried to shake Finan off but now with a firm footing Finan landed one swift punch to the man’s gut.

With one hand still closed tightly around the man’s forearm Finan twisted the wrist over and hit upwards at his elbow until the knife clattered to the ground. The man, now trying to claw at Finan’s neck with his other hand sank back with a groan as Finan headbutted him sharply, there was a satisfying crunch and a gush of blood from his nose.

A swift knee to the groin and Finan let go of him as the man crumpled to the ground.

Finan bent to pick up the knife quickly so it was out of reach and gave his attacker one last kick to the stomach for good measure before turning to find Uhtred grinning at him, his own assailant a groaning mess on the floor.

“Shall we get out of here?” Uhtred asked, barely out of breath Finan noted.

“Please.”

“Oi, boss you got ‘em?” a voice called from a side street.

Uhtred seemed ready for another fight but Finan had already closed the distance between them, grabbing Uhtred’s wrist and pulling him with him as he ran in the opposite direction.

Only when he was satisfied that they were far enough away did Finan pull Uhtred into an alcove and halt.

They were both breathing hard now and Finan strained to listen for any sign of pursuit over the rushing pulse in his ears.

“We probably could have taken them,” Uhtred spoke eventually. Finan jerked back at the feel of his breath on his cheek, he hadn’t realised how close they were.

“We had no idea how many there were and I don’t particularly fancy having a knife swung at my face twice in one day,” Finan snapped as he stepped back, irritated suddenly. Whether at himself or Uhtred he wasn’t sure.

“Alright,” Uhtred spoke soothingly, seeming to recognise Finan’s frayed nerves. Finan took a deep breath, ignoring his own mess of feelings to cast an eye over Uhtred for injury.

“Are you hurt anywhere?”

“Don’t think so,” Uhtred replied.

“That doesn’t sound very convincing,” Finan rolled his eyes and grabbed Uhtred’s hands to check, they were fine thankfully but he spotted a small tear in Uhtred’s coat at his shoulder, “see you are hurt!”

“A nick, I didn’t even feel it,” Uhtred protested.

Finan ignored him, pulling the rip in the cloth aside. It did seem shallow, the blood already stopped but it was still frustrating.

This time Finan knew he was annoyed at himself.

“We’re going home and I am bandaging that,” Finan told him.

Uhtred laughed suddenly.

“What?” Finan asked.

“Guess we missed dinner,” Uhtred told him, still chuckling.

“Aelfric is the least of our problems right now, I’ll just tell him the truth, we got attacked, he can’t find a way to blame that on you.”

“Have you met my uncle?” Uhtred snorted.

“True, you would think he doesn’t like you or something,” Finan joked, “come on, I’m still mad at you for getting hurt.”

He wasn’t but it was no bad thing for Uhtred to believe that for now whilst Finan sorted out his own head.

~

Aelfric had retired for the evening when they got back so Finan managed to escape explaining their absence till the morning. Oswi let them in and they went straight to Uhtred’s room, Finan pushing Uhtred firmly into the nearest chair and telling him to stay put on pain of death whilst he grabbed supplies.

There were only a few servants still awake when he snuck down to the kitchens so he helped himself to a pot to warm some water on the stove.

“Is there any clean cloth that won’t be missed?” he asked one of the girls.

“Course sir,” she answered, grabbing some for him, “everything alright sir?”

“Just fine, thank you, Eva was it? You can just call me Finan,” he assured her.

“Most welcome s- ..Finan,” she smiled.

He checked on the water to find it warm enough and poured it into a small bowl, cloth over his arm he carried it back up to Uhtred’s room.

He had shut the door behind him when he had left and realised now with his hands full that he had no way of opening it so he tapped against it with his foot instead, Uhtred opening it a moment later.

“I’m sorry, I don’t take late-night visitors, I have to protect my virtue you understand,” Uhtred grinned cheekily at him.

“Virtue my ass, shove over will you?” Finan told him, aiming for annoyed but somehow landing on amused all the same.

Uhtred took the bowl of water from him and stepped back, he had taken off his coat and suit jacket while Finan was in the kitchens and it was clearer now where the knife had caught the skin.

Finan dropped the cloth onto the end of the bed and took the water back, gesturing Uhtred to sit.

“Shirt off,” Finan instructed, placing the water on the floor and ripping the cloth into two pieces, leaving one to the side as he wet the other.

Uhtred grumbled something under his breath but pulled his necktie and shirt off anyway.

Finan hesitated when Uhtred was done, he had tended to wounds hundreds of times in the war, this shouldn’t feel strange.

Finan flexed his fingers around the damp cloth and pushed the oddness to the back of his mind, focusing on cleaning the dried blood from Uhtred’s shoulder. Uhtred watched him quietly.

He reassured himself that it was indeed quite shallow when the blood was gone and he could see the cut clearly. He leaned over Uhtred to grab the rest of the cloth, no wonder Uhtred never seemed as bothered by the cold as Finan, he could feel the warmth of Uhtred’s body from here.

If he tied the cloth a little brusquely around the cut then at least Uhtred didn’t complain and Finan stepped back, job done and anxious to go collapse into bed and write the whole damned day off.

“Do you think its strange they didn’t want money?” Uhtred mused, interrupting Finan’s thoughts of rest.

“Who knows, they were probably just loons who would have pounced on whatever unfortunate soul walked down that alleyway,” Finan answered dismissively, he could take the bowl back to the kitchens in the morning he decided, placing it on the sideboard out of the way instead.

“No I don’t think so, ‘ _no-one said we couldn’t draw a little blood_ ’ he said, remember?”

“So, what? It wasn’t just our bad luck?”

Uhtred flopped back onto the bed, staring at the canopy intensely.

“I think they were sent.”

“Then who sent them?”

“Isn’t that the question,” Uhtred sighed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm the one writing him and I still want to both hug and shake Finan 
> 
> Hope you enjoyed! Comments always so so appreciated xx


	7. Chapter 7

Uhtred had run over it a hundred times in his head but there were no clues as to who had sent the men after them. They hadn’t even revealed their names, the most he had to go on was that the one who had actually talked had an east London accent.

What was worse was that Finan had been on edge ever since, he was trying to cover, barely stopped for breath between cracking jokes sometimes but Uhtred could tell something was different. There was a hesitancy in his manner that was putting Uhtred on edge as well.

He was in the library when Beocca found him, he looked as tired as Uhtred felt with his bundles of paper and ink-stained fingers.

“Uhtred, I heard you remained at home today, is everything alright?”

“All is well Beocca, thank you, I just thought some peace and quiet would suit me today,” Uhtred answered.

“Yes, Finan informed me that you told him he was not needed this morning,” Beocca raised an eyebrow at him.

Uhtred shrugged uncomfortably, “There’s no trouble I can get into here, he should be free to do as he pleases for once instead of having to follow me around everywhere.”

“And yet he is here, loitering in the corridors and the kitchens and looking worried,” Beocca sighed, settling into the chair opposite Uhtred and dumping his papers onto to the small reading table.

“Really? I got the impression he would enjoy a break from me,” Uhtred spoke acerbically.

“I think you know as well as I that is not true, he’s a very kind young man and I believe that he cares about your welfare.”

Uhtred looked away, refusing to comment.

“Is it about those men who attacked you?” Beocca asked, Uhtred had told him a little of the ambush in the days after, wanting an outside perspective that he wasn’t losing his mind thinking it had been targeted.

“It’s been playing on my mind,” Uhtred admitted, it was only a partial explanation for his dour mood but he didn’t even know how to explain the rest to himself let alone Beocca so it would do.

“What if you were to try and sketch what they looked like, see if that leads you anywhere? You had some skill when you were younger,” Beocca suggested.

“It has been a while since then, I doubt I have much skill left and to try and draw from memory as well?”

“It is a thought and one that I will leave with you, perhaps Finan could help?” Beocca prompted, already rising from his chair.

Uhtred hummed non-committedly but the idea stuck with him even once he was alone again.

He waited just long enough to be sure he wouldn’t bump into Beocca outside, just because he was listening to his old tutor’s advice didn’t mean the old man needed to know.

If he remembered correctly he still had a sketch pad and pencils buried in a draw somewhere in his room, he dug around for a bit and eventually found his dust-covered supplies beneath a broken cigarette case, some chipped toy soldiers and what was left of a stitched rabbit.

He considered staying and just sketching in his room but his room always made him feel claustrophobic, locked in too many times as a child, so he made to head back to the library. He was only a step outside his door when he almost knocked into Finan.

“Uhtred!” Finan took a step back in surprise, Uhtred half reached out to stop him before second-guessing it as a strange instinct.

“Finan, good afternoon.”

“Everything well?”

“Quite, I was just returning to the library, are you enjoying your day off?”

“Oh, yes, such a peaceful change of pace that I do not really know what to do with myself,” Finan laughed awkwardly, he seemed to hear it in his own voice and quickly changed topic, “have you eaten?”

“I haven’t actually,” Uhtred answered, just realising himself.

“I could get you something from the kitchens and bring it to you in the library? You should eat,” Finan offered.

“That would be nice,” Uhtred agreed.

Finan nodded and turned to go, Uhtred placed a hand on his arm at the last moment.

“You could join me after if you’re not doing anything else? I had – well Beocca had- an idea and you may be able to help.”

“Well if I can help I shall.”

Uhtred was already grumbling when Finan met up with him again in the library.

“Is it even allowed to have food in the library?”

“No but Aelfric never comes in here, he only maintains the collection for show. Besides next year this will be mine and I am pre-emptively allowing it,” Uhtred smirked.

“Seems fair,” Finan smiled back, fitting the plates where he could on the table as he sat in the chair opposite, “so what’s the idea then?”

“To try and sketch out what our attackers looked like so that we might ask around if anyone recognises them,” Uhtred explained.

“I didn’t know you could draw.”

“I’m not sure that I can,” Uhtred admitted, “it has been a long while since I tried.”

“Well what do you have so far?”

Uhtred reluctantly showed Finan his beginning attempts and to his utter lack of surprise Finan barked out a startled laugh.

“Maybe keep trying?” Finan suggested, biting down on the remaining bubble of laughter. Uhtred glared at him, tearing out the page to scrunch up and throw at Finan’s still grinning face.

Finan raised an arm in defense and the ball of paper bounced off and rolled sadly to the ground.

“You do it then,” Uhtred challenged him, picking up an apple to munch on.

“Oh believe me, my attempt would be worse, it is better you keep going.”

Uhtred rolled his eyes but picked up his pencil to try again anyway.

There were a few more balls of paper on the floor by the time he next gave up but he did feel like he was improving.

“I need to practice on something I can see,” Uhtred declared. Finan, who had slumped on to his elbows watching him, looked up inquisitively, “can I try drawing you for a while?”

“Are you going to butcher my good looks?”

“I will do my very best not to,” Uhtred answered as solemnly as he could with the fond amusement that had taken root in him pulling at the corners of his mouth.

“Very well then, do your worst,” Finan straightened up in his chair, “or rather your best if you please.”

Uhtred flipped the page in his sketch pad to start fresh, he hesitated before putting pencil to paper, looking at Finan carefully. It was a strong face, a firm jawline and refined brow but there was a kindness there, tinged now with the echo of familiarity under Uhtred’s gaze.

He was handsome, Uhtred realised and was glad that Finan was looking away from him because he had no doubt his own face had betrayed the thought.

Feeling inexplicably tense suddenly he shook out his fingers and made a start on the outline.

It took longer than he planned and they barely spoke with Uhtred so focused, finding something new every time he looked up. The hint of lightness in Finan’s beard, the curve of his bottom lip, the beginning of laughter lines at the corner of his eyes.

Finan waited patiently, only glancing at Uhtred now and then and Uhtred tried not to think on the shiver of embarrassment he felt every time Finan met his gaze.

He was proud of it when he was done, could probably have continued to work on the shading and tightening the lines but it had grown late and Finan was beginning to shift in his seat.

He felt nervous showing it to Finan but he would be damned if he let it show, he already suspected he had revealed too much in the last couple of hours.

“Does it meet with approval?” Uhtred passed the drawing to Finan with an over-exaggerated flourish.

Finan stared at it silently, fingers curling around the edge of the paper.

“It has been many years since I did anything like this remember,” Uhtred interjected.

“Huh? No! It’s good, it’s very good. You have skill, truly,” Finan assured him, “you will have no problem with the likenesses of those men.”

“I’ll try again later, for now we should probably prepare for dinner,” Uhtred prompted, in truth he could do with retreating to his room for a stiff drink as well.

“Dinner, right.”

“Can I have my sketch pad back then?” Uhtred chuckled.

“Of course, here sorry, I’ll take the plates back to the kitchens, see you at dinner?” Finan asked but had gathered up the plates and was halfway out the door before Uhtred had a chance to respond.

He glanced down at the drawing in his hand, wondering what Finan might have seen in it that had left him flustered. Perhaps he was just not used to seeing a portrait of himself, perhaps it really was bad and Finan was too polite to say.

~

Uhtred had left the drawing on his bedside table when he went to dinner and had almost forgotten about it amidst the normalcy of wrinkling his nose behind Aelfric’s back every time he paused in his diatribe on parliamentary radicals to see if he could make Finan’s veneer of politeness crack.

He returned to it now, almost involuntarily stretching out a finger to trace the edges. Shaking his head and ignoring the tug in the pit of his stomach he made himself walk away and change for bed.

He poured himself a glass of whiskey and settled into bed, picking the sketch pad up again. He tore the drawing of Finan out gently and laid it to the side before starting again on his attempt to sketch the men from the alleyway.

His eyes were gritty with sleep by the time he was done but it was a decent result, he tossed the sketch pad on the side, intent on getting some rest. After a moment he reached over again and pulled the drawing of Finan out from under the pad, placing it back on top before falling into an uneasy sleep.

~

Uhtred was impatient to get going the next morning, chivvying Finan along as soon as they had finished breakfast.

“Are you certain this is a sensible idea?” Finan sighed after Uhtred had told him to hurry up the fiftieth time.

“It’s better than doing nothing,” Uhtred told him.

“It is?”

“It is.”

They had to retrace their steps a little to find the alleyway again but it thankfully did not take them too long, especially as the air was once again bitter.

“What now?” Finan asked, breathing into his hands.

“I suppose we ask around,” Uhtred shrugged, looking to see if he could spot anyone, “over there!”

Uhtred walked to the lad he had spotted on the corner, Finan following.

“Good morning sirs,” the boy greeted them warily.

“Good morning,” Uhtred replied, digging a few coins from his pocket, “we just want to know if you’ve seen someone around, I have a likeness here if you’ll take a look?”

“Money first?”

“Half first,” Uhtred countered.

“Sure,” the boy nodded and Uhtred handed it over before pulling the drawings out of his other pocket.

“You recognise either of these men?” Finan asked as Uhtred straightened the pages out. The boy peered at them closely but eventually shook his head.

“Sorry sirs, not seen ‘em.”

“That’s alright,” Uhtred sighed and handed the boy the rest of the coin.

“Even though I don’t know nothin’?” the boy asked quizzically.

“A promise is a promise,” Uhtred smiled reassuringly, “go on now, there’s less friendly folk than us round here.”

The boy pocketed his gains with a grin and scarpered off as told.

Finan was giving him a look when Uhtred turned back to him.

“Yes, I know, it’s going to be a long morning, come on.”

~

It was a long morning. A long, cold, frustrating morning.

No-one recognised the men, or at least no-one who would admit to it. They ended up back in the alleyway by midday with nothing to show for their efforts except grumbling stomachs.

Uhtred may have kicked a wall but only Finan saw so it didn’t count.

Begrudgingly Uhtred abandoned the task for the day, letting Finan drag him to the nearest stall for a bag of roasted chestnuts. They strolled aimlessly as they ate, weaving through the crowds. 

“I have an idea,” Uhtred announced.

“Is this idea like the last idea?”

“Technically that was Beocca’s idea but no, this is a different idea, fancy taking a short trip?”

“Where you go I go,” Finan shrugged.

“I’ll take that as assent,” Uhtred chuckled, popping his last chestnut in his mouth and nudging Finan towards a row of hansom cabs.

They hopped out on Delancey Street in Camden, Finan stretching his legs whilst Uhtred paid the driver.

“So what brings us here?” Finan asked when Uhtred returned to his side.

“A bit of relaxation,” Uhtred assured him.

“Oh you mean you’re not relaxed after a morning of chasing around people who don’t want to be found and getting nowhere?”

Uhtred placed his hands on Finan’s shoulders and looked him dead in the eye.

“Finan,” Uhtred sighed.

“Uhtred?” Finan responded, confused.

“You’re a funny man,” Uhtred grinned cheekily, clapping him on the shoulder before letting go, “now come on.”

It was a moment before Finan caught up with him but Uhtred’s mood had already improved immeasurably.

His destination was only a few doors down, set back a little from the street. It was unlocked as it usually was, the smell hitting him as soon as he walked in.

“A boxing club Uhtred? We’re not exactly dressed for the occasion,” Finan pointed out.

“My friend runs the place, he’ll have some spare kit I’m sure. Speaking of, here comes the man of the hour himself – Clapa! It’s good to see you!” Uhtred gripped his hand warmly.

“Uhtred, it is good to see you as well. It has been a while, is there any muscle left under that suit,” Clapa baited him with a rumbling laugh.

“Enough to best you,” Uhtred retorted, “this wasn’t really a planned visit, are you able to set us up with something to wear?”

“I’ll see what I have, follow me.”

“This is your friend?” Finan whispered to him, “He looks like he would eat me whole and not even spit out the bones!”

Clapa glanced back at them curiously when Uhtred burst out laughing but didn’t comment. Once he had regained his breath Uhtred leaned on Finan’s shoulder to speak out of Clapa’s hearing.

Finan tensed a little under him and Uhtred paused for a moment as well, unsure why he hadn’t just whispered but it was stranger to linger so he continued on as if he hadn’t noticed a thing.

“It’s part of his charm, I promise,” Uhtred assured him with a lop-sided smile and moved away, speeding up his step to catch up with Clapa.

Though Uhtred had hoped it had been an anomaly brought on by spending so long focused on him for the drawing, apparently the awareness he had of Finan had not yet dissipated.

A fact that he very much wished he had considered when Clapa found them some suitable breeches and showed them where they could change.

Finan at least seemed to hesitate as well before turning his back to him to start undressing, Uhtred following suit.

“Do you prefer bare-knuckle or Queensbury rules? Most that come here stick to the old ways but Clapa has some gloves for those that want them,” Uhtred broke the silence eventually, if only to distract himself.

“I’m happy with bare-knuckle rules,” Finan confirmed, “I’m more used to that anyway.”

Uhtred glanced at him and was met with an expanse of back muscle. Uhtred prided himself on his physique, he could hold his own against most but truly he might struggle against Finan.

There was a lithe power there, scars too Uhtred noticed. He wanted to ask about them but that would mean admitting he was looking.

Which he was. Staring even.

Uhtred turned away sharply, if his heart sped up it was only because he didn’t want to be caught breaking some unspoken agreement on giving each other their privacy.

“Bare-knuckle rules it is then,” Uhtred agreed quietly.

~

There were a few others in the club which helped to return Uhtred’s mind to some normalcy, he had done this a million times with friends and strangers alike. Sparring with Finan was no different.

Clapa showed them where they could be out of the way but otherwise left them to it, returning his attention to other members.

“Are you ready to be overwhelmingly defeated?” Uhtred taunted as he stretched.

“That’s an awful lot of confidence for someone that I’ve seen walk straight into a wall when they’re drunk,” Finan smirked.

“Alright well that was when I was drunk, now I’m sober. Will you ever stop bringing that up?”

“Not until it stops being funny, come on are we doing this or are you just going to rag me till I concede out of sheer boredom?”

“Oh it’s like that is it?” Uhtred squared up.

“It is.”

Uhtred felt the frustration and confusion of the last few days drop from him as he moved his weight to the balls of his feet, he and Finan circling each other as they both looked for an opportunity.

Uhtred was the first to strike, aiming for the ribs but only glancing off Finan's forearm when Finan moved to block. Finan threw a retaliatory punch, Uhtred ducking out of reach and almost getting caught by a second blow.

He could feel where Finan's knuckles grazed against his hip, no doubt intended for his stomach.

He felt alive.

By the time they were both sweating Uhtred had concluded that they were of relatively equal skill, neither of them landing more than half a dozen hits. Though they both crowed mercilessly when they did.

The fun part of bare-knuckle boxing however was that grappling was every bit as allowed as boxing itself. Uhtred just needed an opening.

A sweat-curled strand of hair twitched at Finan's eyebrow and Uhtred moved instinctually, pivoting his weight, letting his guard drop just enough to bait the trap. Finan went for it, he over-stretched for only a moment but it was long enough for Uhtred to weave under his arm and tackle him to the ground.

Finan let out a whoosh of air as he hit the floor and Uhtred sat up to declare his victory only to find himself flat on his back in the next moment.

Finan had managed to flip them before Uhtred had even registered what was happening, now sat on his stomach with Uhtred's arms pinned out wide and a victorious grin.

"You'll have to try harder than that," Finan taunted.

Uhtred wanted to laugh it off, really he did, but there was so much of Finan’s skin pressed against his.

He could feel the tremor of Finan's every breath against his own rising and falling ribcage and the warmth of his weight on top of him and he froze, unsure what to do with the amount of sensory information flooding over him.

The smile had slid from Finan's face as well and Uhtred waited. Waited for Finan to leap back in disgust or make a joke to break the tension and pull away from him or….or.…

But Finan doesn’t move either, just holds his stare like he’s trying to figure out a particularly complex puzzle. Uhtred wonders if it is the same puzzle he is trying to decipher.

“You have quick footwork, Finan was it?”

Finan sprung away from him as if he had been stung and Uhtred sagged into the floor.

“Ah yes, Finan, a pleasure,” Finan answered Clapa, already standing.

“I’m impressed, where on God’s Earth did you find him Uhtred?”

“He wandered in off the street,” Uhtred snorted, rolling onto his side to leverage himself back onto his feet, “I’m going to get a drink.”

“Well you know where everything is,” Clapa waved him off, turning back to Finan, “have you ever done professional matches?”

Uhtred left them to it, eager to get away so he could regain his breath and attempt to quell the itch beneath his skin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is sponsored by excessive amounts of energy drink, nicotine and a desire to see Uhtred panic


	8. Chapter 8

Finan was in trouble. Logically he could trace each event that had lead him to this point but he still couldn’t understand how it had happened.

“Anything of note to report this week?” Aelfric asked without glancing up from the letter he was writing.

Finan’s mind flashed guiltily to the boxing match, the press of Uhtred’s skin against his.

“Nothing sir, we are listening out for who may have been responsible for mugging us but it has been quiet since.”

He and Uhtred had discussed it and decided not to tell Aelfric they believed it was a targeted attack, passing it off as a random incident, just some men down on their luck looking for money.

“A gentleman should not be chasing after street thugs,” Aelfric told him sharply, finally looking up at him, “ensure that Uhtred pursues it no further, it was no doubt simply the consequence of the poor company he keeps.”

Finan nodded his acknowledgment of the instruction, wishing he had not mentioned it now. He would have to make sure their investigations remained hidden from Aelfric’s notice from now on.

“That is all,” Aelfric dismissed him, returning to his letter. Finan bowed stiffly and left him to it. He breathed a sigh of relief as he closed the door behind him.

It was getting harder and harder to rein in his frustration any time he spoke with Aelfric, he had a feeling Aelfric and Conall would get on quite well.

Scratching a hand through his beard he set off to find Uhtred and see what the plan was for the day.

Uhtred answered his door with a smile when Finan knocked, his hair not yet tied back, falling messily about his shoulders.

Finan was in trouble.

“I was just coming to find you, all done with dear Uncle?” Uhtred asked.

“All done, need to tell you something but when we’re away from prying ears.”

“Well then, what are we waiting for?” Uhtred declared.

“Let me collect my coat, I’ll meet you by the door in a moment,” Finan told him.

He hesitated back at his room, he had found time to mend his own coat but had not yet given back the one Uhtred had loaned him.

Grumbling under his breath at his own indecision he stubbornly pulled on his coat and left to meet Uhtred.

He was simply confusing admiration for attraction he reasoned. He had heard whispers of course that some preferred the company of their own sex, whispers that always fell between amused or disparaging but he had never felt such an inclination himself.

Or so he thought anyway, there had been a soldier in Transvaal he had been close with but that was normal. Stuck in a foreign land fighting a doomed war that should never have been undertaken in the first place, it was to be expected that you would cling to what bonds you had.

It unnerved him that he was now examining every relationship, every friendship and every flirtation he had ever had. Staring into the dark of his room every night since the impromptu boxing match trying to figure out why he still felt the ghost of Uhtred’s breath across his face, why it made his heart seize.

“Ready?” Uhtred turned to him as he reached the door.

“Ready.”

“You mended your overcoat?” Uhtred asked, half reaching out before seeming to stop himself. He had done that a few times in the past few days, yet another thing that was confusing Finan.

“Aye, a fine job if I do say so myself,” Finan showed off the barely visible stitching at the elbow.

“Better you than me, Thyra tried to teach me once but I kept accidentally poking my fingers with the needle and bleeding on the thread, needless to say she hasn’t tried since,” Uhtred laughed.

Uhtred was just waving down a carriage when the door opened again behind them and Oswi rushed out.

“Sirs, I’m glad I caught you, a note came for you Uhtred. It is from the Lady Gisela, leastwise it was her man that delivered it,” Oswi told them, handing the note over.

“Gisela?” Uhtred asked, surprised. Finan hovered curiously as Uhtred broke the seal and read the contents.

Uhtred hummed thoughtfully and put the note in his breast pocket, “Thank you, Oswi.”

“Is she well?” Finan enquired as Uhtred waved his farewell to Oswi and stepped into the hansom that had pulled up beside them.

“Hm? Oh I believe so, she has invited us to afternoon tea,” Uhtred answered once they were both settled inside.

“That will be a change of pace for us, where has she asked us to meet her?”

“I suppose it will,” Uhtred chuckled, “she will be waiting for us at the tea rooms by the Museum Library so we are headed out to come right back I’m afraid but I am hoping that Sihtric and Osferth do have news for me.”

Finan nodded and leaned back in his seat, too aware every time his knees knocked against Uhtred’s in the small space.

“Speaking of news, you wanted to tell me something?” Uhtred asked.

“Aelfric, right, I mentioned that we were keeping an ear out for who might have attacked us, though not that we were actively searching, and he was insistent that I get you to leave it be.”

“Let me guess, he blamed it on the company I keep,” Uhtred scoffed.

“Exactly right, you do have something between those ears after all,” Finan teased, “I doubt that it changes anything other than perhaps being more careful in our investigations, but I thought you should know.”

“Thank you,” Uhtred smiled warmly at him. Finan smiled back for a moment before he couldn’t take it anymore and looked away.

Thankfully the cab pulled to a stop a moment later and Finan hurried out onto the street to take a gulp of air and clear his head, turning away from Uhtred when he followed behind.

“Let us get out of the cold,” Uhtred prompted, “if I am feeling it I am sure you are halfway to freezing to death.”

His voice was teasing but by the careful way Uhtred watched him, Finan could tell he was feeling uncertain. Finan rolled his eyes with a smile and shoved Uhtred on towards Sihtric and Osferth’s lodgings.

The last thing he wanted was for his own conflicted mind to affect Uhtred, he had enough to worry about without Finan adding to it.

The courtyard below Sihtric and Osferth’s rooms was as full of bustle as ever, they spotted Ada and waved to her before making their way up the rickety stairs.

Osferth welcomed them in warmly, Sihtric crashing about at the stove behind him.

“We were not expecting you so soon Uhtred, are you becoming an early riser? Dare I say it, even an upstanding member of society?”

“Heavens preserve me from such a fate, Osferth,” Uhtred smiled wryly.

“And Finan looks like he has not slept a wink,” Sihtric interjected, abandoning the stove for the moment, “what on Earth has happened to the both of you, has Queen Mab swapped your spirits in the night?”

Finan met Uhtred’s gaze, breath caught in his throat, but he could tell nothing from Uhtred’s shadowed eyes and Uhtred looked away only a moment later.

“Truly yours is a wit worthy of the stage Sihtric, now can we stop analysing the amount of sleep everyone has had and move on?”

Sihtric snorted but let it be.

“I take it you are eager for an update?” Sihtric asked.

Uhtred sighed, leaning against the end of Osferth’s bed with his arms folded about himself protectively.

“I am.”

“Well it is not good news I’m afraid,” Sihtric shrugged apologetically. Osferth moved around him, pouring out a cup of watered ale and bringing it back to Finan, Finan smiled at him gratefully as he took it and settled into the chair near the door to listen.

“We asked around, asked almost everyone in fact, not directly don’t worry,” Sihtric held a hand up, cutting off Uhtred’s concern before it could be voiced, “but no-one even looked the slightest bit shifty let alone had any information about there being a contract out on you.”

Uhtred ran a frustrated hand through his hair and began to pace in the small room

“Which leaves us exactly nowhere again, with nothing to go on, how are they hiding so damn well?!”

“Are you sure it wasn’t just bad luck? Wrong place, wrong time?”Osferth asked.

“Yes, I’m sure!” Uhtred snapped. Finan grabbed his arm gently as he went past, Uhtred let him, ire draining from him with a tired sigh.

“We are sure,” Finan told Osferth, “we have looked at it from every angle, they didn’t want money, they weren’t looking to just kill us but to force us to go with them somewhere and from what they let slip they were under someone else’s instructions. It is the only thing that makes sense.”

“Then perhaps we have been making the wrong enquiries, what if it is you they were after Finan?” Sihtric suggested.

Finan let go of Uhtred’s arm and leaned on his knees.

“I have considered that as well and though I do not know who is after Uhtred I still doubt that it might be me they are targeting. The only person who would want me dead is my brother and he’s already taken everything from me, what would be the point?” Finan shook his head, “No, he would rather I be alive to witness his victory.”

Finan could feel Uhtred’s eyes on him again, he did not speak of his brother often, had only filled Sihtric and Osferth in on the barest of details but Uhtred always went terse and quiet when Conall was mentioned.

Another question on the tip of his tongue that Finan could not bring himself to ask.

“Then Uhtred is right, we have nothing,” Sihtric sighed.

“Maybe not,” Osferth interjected, “I was helping Iseult out with the children and I mentioned it to her, her place is a little ways from where you were attacked sure but we’ve run out of leads here and you know how Iseult is. Between the kids that are left on her doorstep, her social work and the clients she gets for her side business, she knows people from all over London.”

“It’s worth a try,” Finan agreed, “they might be so hard to find because they’re not even from Soho.”

“She has the children to worry about, I didn’t really want to drag her into this if I could avoid it,” Uhtred winced.

“I am not willing to believe that anyone in their right mind would cross Iseult,” Sihtric countered, “even I dread a curse from her and I like to think that we get on quite well.”

“You may have a point, well it seems we are traipsing all around London today Finan, how about it?”

“You lead, I’ll follow,” Finan answered without thought.

“Right, yes,” Uhtred cleared his throat, “that’s settled then, we’ll call on Iseult then head back to meet Gisela.”

Osferth, who had been peering at Finan jerked his head back to Uhtred suddenly.

“You’re seeing Gisela today?”

“She asked to, we’re meeting her for tea this afternoon,” Uhtred explained.

“How is the beautiful Lady Gisela lately?” Sihtric grinned.

“She is well, we are meeting her by the Museum so she has likely had her head buried in the reading room again,” Uhtred smiled fondly.

Finan’s stomach turned uncomfortably and he wondered if he shouldn’t have simply skipped breakfast on so little sleep.

He stood, picking his cup from the floor to return to the side. If it also meant he could turn his back to the open look of affection on Uhtred’s face then at least there was no-one to judge him for that but himself.

“Are we leaving these miscreants in peace then?”

“Oi, who are you calling miscreants?” Sihtric laughed, shoving Finan’s shoulder.

“You, I’m definitely calling you a miscreant, there is yet hope for Osferth but I’m afraid you are long since forsaken,” Finan teased.

“Oh for the love of – we’re going, come on,” Uhtred pulled Finan towards the door whilst Sihtric was still spluttering, trying to figure out if he wanted to laugh or hit him.

Uhtred looked like he didn’t know which to pick either as they waved their farewells and made their way back to the street but at least there was a hint of a smile, it was better than the worried scowl Uhtred had been wearing lately.

They were soon on their way again.

“Are we stopping for something to bring the children? They might string us up by our toes if we arrive empty-handed,” Finan spoke into the silence.

“I’m sure we’ll find something to keep them preoccupied whilst we talk to Iseult, it’s not market day but there are always some stalls about.”

To the children’s delight and Iseult’s despair they landed on a slab of Kendal mint cake, Uhtred and Finan hung back in the hallway as she bartered with them to finish their lessons before they could each have a piece and the chatter slowly drifted back to the front room.

“You couldn’t have brought them some apples?” Iseult asked once they were alone again.

“Next time I promise,” Uhtred smiled.

“Are you staying long?”

“Not long, Osferth mentioned my current predicament to you? I wondered if you had heard anything, we’ve got precious little to go on honestly,” Uhtred sighed.

“Let’s sit upstairs away from the racket for a moment,” Iseult suggested, squeezing Uhtred’s arm comfortingly.

Once they were cloistered away upstairs Iseult bade them sit, clearing candles away from the table to give them room.

“Do you still have the protection charm I gave you?” she asked Finan.

“I do, I left it at home today though,” Finan admitted apologetically.

“Do keep it with you, there is trouble ahead and I worry for you both,” Iseult stared at him earnestly, he nodded that he would do as she said. “Now, Uhtred, these men have someone backing them, someone with money, I’ve not been able to find out who but I do know one of them goes to some of the dog fights by the docks. Watch for someone who wears a red cap and likes to whistle at the dogs, that's all I know.”

“Well that’s more information than we had this morning, thank you Iseult, truly,” Uhtred effused, holding her hand in his.

“Of course, you can always come to me,” she smiled.

“Hopefully we will have no further need to drag you into this, you have your own house to keep, tell me you won’t pursue this any further,” Uhtred insisted.

“I won’t if you don’t want me to but if I happen to overhear something than I shall pass it on,” Iseult winked, “now are you sure you will not rest here awhile?”

“What time did Gisela want us to meet her?” Finan asked Uhtred.

“Two.”

“We have some time then,” Finan shrugged.

“Then we’ll stay,” Uhtred agreed.

“Good, I will get us some tea and then later you can help me share out the treats when the children have finished with their reading,” satisfied, Iseult left them to make tea and Finan relaxed into his chair.

Truthfully, in suggesting they stay he perhaps had an ulterior motive in seeing Uhtred relax as well, there was always something a little baffled but warm and carefree about Uhtred when he was around the children and selfishly Finan enjoyed seeing it.

They arrived at the tearoom Gisela had invited them to on time, just.

The gentleman at the entrance was just in the midst of explaining they had no tables to spare when Gisela spotted them and waved them over.

“Uhtred! Come, sit, let me introduce you to a good friend of mine, this is Sister Hild,”

“Sister?” Uhtred asked.

“Yes, I am as surprised as you that she continues to put up with a blasphemer such as I,” Gisela laughed gently, Hild smiled around the rim of her cup, “but she is quite the cleverest person I know, puts me utterly to shame.”

“Please, now you’re just teasing me Lady Gisela,” Hild chided.

“Nonsense, I am being completely honest.”

Finan could feel the warmth of their bond even from the other side of the table and smiled, put at ease by their cheerful conversation.

“How did you meet?” Uhtred prompted, helping himself to a sandwich quarter from the stand as soon as they had sat down.

“Oh in the reading room! You know how it is, most are happy enough that if you’ve secured a reader ticket then you have every right to be there no matter what gender you are or where you come from. I met Miss Eleanor Marx there once, did I tell you? Fascinating woman. Anyway, occasionally there will be a snobbish brute who is so very afraid of a woman pursuing the betterment of her mind that they simply must say some something,” Gisela rolled her eyes as she spoke, flicking her hand as if swatting away an imaginary fly.

“This chap certainly did,” she continued, “swaggered up to me all full of pomp and sneering superiority to interrogate me on my research. I was getting quite angry with him when Hild swooped in to save the day.”

“You hardly needed saving,” Hild chuckled, “I think you had already rendered him speechless, I merely wanted to show my support.”

“I see that you will not let me compliment you at all today,” Gisela huffed in mock disappointment at her before turning back to Uhtred and Finan, “either way we have been firm friends ever since.”

“Then you are a friend of mine also Sister Hild,” Uhtred flashed his most charming grin. To Finan’s gratification Hild didn’t seem moved in the slightest.

“Was there a particular reason you wished to see us, Lady Gisela?” Finan asked, cutting across Uhtred and Hild staring each other down.

“Oh my brother is out of town on business and I wanted to cause some mischief,” Gisela beamed slyly, “it has been too long since I had the time and convenience to tease dear Uhtred.”

“Oh I see how it is,” Uhtred huffed, stealing another sandwich, “you have brought me here just to gang up on me.”

“Quite right,” Gisela laughed, “more to the point, I have many a story to tell you Finan and I shall enjoy relaying each thoroughly.”

“And I shall enjoy hearing them,” Finan leaned forward, grinning conspiratorially, Uhtred kicked his shin but it was worth it.

By the time they were making ready to leave Finan’s stomach hurt from laughing, Uhtred was distinctly redder than normal and Sister Hild had revealed herself to have a sharp tongue much to everyone’s delight.

They were almost to the door when Uhtred paused.

“Can I keep you a moment?” he asked Gisela, eyes flicking to Finan and Hild, “Privately?”

“Of course,” Gisela agreed though her brow was furrowed in confusion, “there is a room just this way, they know me well enough that they will not mind me borrowing it a moment.”

Uhtred nodded and let her lead the way, glancing back at Finan once more before they disappeared into a side room.

Finan stood there, the ache in his stomach no longer from laughter, feeling very much like a discarded sock.

He had no claim on Uhtred, he reminded himself, no claim at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all wanna shake him yet? Cause I wanna shake him
> 
> Also I know it was the briefest of mentions but Eleanor Marx, Karl Marx's daughter, did have a readers ticket in 1888! For a ticket to be approved you had to have references/a recommendation from someone but this bitch basically wrote 'I'm Karl Marx's daughter' on her application and got in - iconic. She also helped to found the People's Palace with 2 other women which was meant to be an even more inclusive library inspired by the reading room
> 
> Let me know if you're enjoying it :)


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> An extra long chapter for the hols :)

“Uhtred what on earth?” Gisela breathed as soon as they were on their own.

“I’m sorry, this was ill-advised, someone will have seen and start some stupid rumour about us and your brother will have me hunted down in the streets and you locked away and…”

“Uhtred, calm down,” Gisela paused him in his ramble by pulling his forehead to meet hers, letting him breathe a moment before speaking again, “now tell me what is wrong.”

Uhtred kept his eyes closed, swallowing against the dry itch of words he didn’t know how to say sitting at the back of his throat. He stopped and started half a dozen times until pulling back with a frustrated sigh.

If he could not explain it to himself then how was he meant to explain it to Gisela, all he knew was that he feared he had become tied to Finan in a way that he could not now unravel and he just needed someone to hold onto whilst he drowned.

Because he was drowning. Because there was nowhere for this feeling to go. Because Finan was only at his side because he was contracted to be, to earn a living and restore his name.

He deserved to be able to do that without Uhtred making him uncomfortable.

“Uhtred…?” Gisela prompted softly.

“I think we should try to find Finan better employment,” Uhtred blurted out, he would wish to return Finan’s inheritance to him ideally but that was not his secret to tell. He would have to make his own enquiries and only ask Gisela if he had no other choice.

Gisela’s influence and connections stretched further than his by default of her peerage but he still had some contacts.

“Oh, well of course, I can ask around if you would like, are you sure that’s all?”

“Yes, it’s just my Uncle, you know…” Uhtred waved a hand vaguely, hoping Gisela would accept that his frantic outburst was down to his usual frustrations with Aelfric, “anyway it’s not fair that Finan keeps getting dragged into it, he’s too decent to deserve that. I think that between us we could at least give him some options?”

Gisela scrutinised him for a moment and then smiled.

“You’ve grown quite fond of him haven’t you?”

“He has proven himself a friend, I only wish to do the same,” Uhtred deflected.

“It was not an accusation,” Gisela laughed gently, “I’m pleased for you, it has been a while since you let someone new into your life, I think it has been good for you, you seem happier.”

Uhtred awkwardly began to protest before Gisela cut him off with a look.

“Truthfully I have grown fond of him as well though I suppose that I do not know him so well as you, I shall be more than pleased to do as you ask,” Gisela rested a reassuring hand on Uhtred’s arm, “now unless you have anything further to ask we should return before Hild and Finan think that we have abandoned them.”

“Thank you,” Uhtred told her earnestly, following her out.

~

“She is truly astounding, the most impressive woman of my acquaintance, I feel blessed to have met her.”

“I believe it,” Finan smiled tightly.

“Hild, you will make me blush,” Gisela interrupted them.

“Oh, Lady Gisela, I did not see you there,” Hild startled, her own cheeks tinging pink.

Uhtred was liking her more by the minute.

He could not bring himself to meet Finan’s eye but that was just as well because Finan would not look at him either.

“Well, delightful as this afternoon has been it is past time I returned home, Finan I entrust Uhtred back into your care,” Gisela clasped his hand with a mischievous smile, “if he begins to think too much of himself just remind him of the time he accidentally set Lady Hirst’s wig on fire when he was fifteen.”

“I will do just that, Lady,” Finan promised solemnly.

“Have you not had your fill of teasing me?” Uhtred groaned.

“Never,” Gisela grinned swiftly, Hild coughing lightly behind her hand to cover a laugh. Gisela turned to Uhtred, clasping his hand in turn, her smile becoming fond, “Take good care of yourself, my heart, do not let lesser men trample your spirit.”

“Nor you,” Uhtred returned warmly, raising her hand to press a kiss to her knuckles before letting her go.

“I am glad to have finally met you Uhtred, and you Finan, I look forward to the next time,” Hild smiled and bobbed a quick curtsey to them both before following Gisela out.

Quietness descended between Uhtred and Finan, Uhtred watching Finan from the corner of his eye, trying to discern if he had revealed himself.

“We should head home as well I suppose, nothing more we can do today,” Uhtred ventured.

“Right,” Finan nodded, still looking away.

Uhtred wanted to rest a hand on his shoulder, pull him from the coldness that shrouded him, return him to his normal smiling, teasing self. Even if it made the ache in him grow.

But he did not, he took a breath and led the way outside.

They were close enough to walk back, strolling slowly back to Great Russell Street, dodging a chattering bunch of chimney sweep lads as they approached the street.

A horse burst past them as they were crossing, the riders coattails flapping behind him.

“Arsehole,” Uhtred glared after him.

Finan cleared his throat next to him and Uhtred realised he had stuck his arm out to halt Finan instinctively.

“Idiot was not even looking,” Uhtred chuckled, retracting his arm quickly.

He was moving away when he felt Finan’s hand on his arm, pausing him.

“Should I be congratulating you?” Finan asked strangely.

“What? For keeping us from getting trampled?” Uhtred frowned, confused.

“No, although much appreciated,” Finan rolled his eyes with an amused smile, “you and Gisela?”

“Me and Gisela…?”

“Should I be expecting an announcement?” Finan prodded further though Uhtred was no clearer on what he was asking.

“An announcement of what exactly?”

“Sweet Jesus, bodyguard or not I _will_ throttle you, did you propose? Are you engaged?” Finan huffed in exasperation.

Uhtred barked out a surprised laugh, drawing disturbed glances from those around them, reminding him that they were still very much stood in the middle of the street.

“No? Whatever gave you that idea? Actually hold that thought, I need to be sat down with a glass of whiskey if I’m to be accused of getting engaged,” Uhtred pulled them toward home.

Oswi let them in and Uhtred veered towards the parlour as soon as he had shucked his coat off, Finan following in bemused silence.

The decanter was thankfully half full and Uhtred poured out a generous measure for both himself and Finan before flopping into the nearest armchair.

“Explain,” Uhtred prompted, loosening his necktie and taking a bracing sip of his drink.

“Well it seemed pretty damn obvious to me, you asked to speak with Gisela privately, you came back uncharacteristically jittery, you kissed her hand as she left even!”

Uhtred gaped at him, unsure whether to be pleased or upset that Finan had so completely missed his internal crisis.

“I was grateful, she agreed to help me with something that I was unsure about,” Uhtred sighed, “It was nothing more than that, I assure you.”

“Alright well, now I know,” Finan relaxed into his chair, taking a long sip of his own drink.

“I can’t believe you thought I had proposed,” Uhtred snorted, imagining the panicked look on Gisela’s face if he had.

“Oh shut up, what was she helping you with anyway?”

“It’s uh…private,” Uhtred obfuscated.

“Well that’s not suspicious in the slightest,” Finan rumbled, “I know that we do not have the most conventional of friendships but I did think we had reached a point of being able to speak candidly with each other.”

“And we can!” Uhtred rushed to say, “I am not hiding this out of malice or mistrust I promise you and it does not diminish that I count you as one of my closest friends. I just ask that you leave this one thing be for now.”

“As you wish,” Finan sighed and drank down the rest of his whiskey, “I don’t know about you but I could use the rest before dinner so I think I will retire to my room.”

“Sure,” Uhtred mumbled, watching Finan go with his hand clenched tight around his glass lest he reach out and halt Finan in his steps like he wanted. Lest he pull Finan close and breathe him in like his scurrying heartbeat bade him.

It was no good, a moment of solace was not worth losing Finan entirely.

~

The next few weeks passed in a blur of nervous energy and half-uttered sentences.

Gisela promised she had a few leads on opportunities for Finan which both pleased and terrified him.

They had visited more dog fights than Uhtred ever thought he would in his lifetime, his initial estimate being zero. More than once Finan had had to pull him back from punching someone’s daylights out as they goaded the dogs on. The whole thing made him sick and as yet they still had nothing to show for it, they had seen no-one who matched Iseult’s description.

In spite of the lack of progress elsewhere, two things did happen.

Firstly, Uhtred realised he could have a whole conversation with Finan without saying a word, only a glance, an eyebrow, a tilt of the lips sufficed. No doubt encouraged by the necessary silence of dinners with Aelfric it nevertheless made Uhtred feel strange and warm whenever it happened.

Secondly, Uhtred was reading. He would venture that Beocca would be proud but given the material and the purpose, perhaps not. He had to be careful about it but with some subterfuge Uhtred had managed to acquire a few books that danced around the subject of attraction between men and even a couple pamphlets that had filtered in from Germany.

He kept it all in a locked drawer along with the drawing of Finan.

It was the worst and best kept secret of society that there were others who had found themselves in his position. Which at least meant Uhtred could believe that the way he had come to think of Finan was not so strange even if he accepted that he could never act on it.

A feat that was becoming increasingly difficult with Finan always _there,_ within arm’s reach. It was driving Uhtred to distraction.

It was not that Uhtred had never experienced attraction, he had had his share of dalliances with women, only Finan was his friend first and foremost. He cared about him in a way that was above and beyond what he was used to feeling for someone that he also wanted to see torn apart and shuddering.

Christmas was now fast approaching and Uhtred had found no solution, instead he was dithering over what to buy and how to buy something when Finan was always with him.

In the end Tillie saved him, once he had settled on something she offered to collect it for him. He snuck her the money when she brought him coffee before breakfast, along with some extra to get herself some sweets. He and Finan had already bought her some embroidered gloves but she didn’t need to know that yet and the pleased skip in her step was more than worth it.

It wasn’t a holiday Uhtred usually enjoyed, even just in his lifetime the fanfare surrounding it seemed to have been blown out of proportion. He supposed he could thank the Queen and her long departed husband for that.

He couldn’t help but think this year might be a little more bearable than usual though.

“Does your uncle usually host a dinner?” Finan asked as they wandered the southside docks.

“Sometimes,” Uhtred shrugged, “he has not mentioned it yet so perhaps not this year, I was thinking if he doesn’t insist on our presence we could have dinner with Beocca and Thyra? Bound to be less dismal and I do keep promising that her treacle pudding is the best in London, it’s past time you got to experience it yourself.”

Finan hummed in agreement.

“Unless you had other plans of course?”

“No, dinner with Beocca and Thyra sounds far more pleasant than sitting in my room,” Finan smiled wryly, “certainly far better than my last Christmas.”

“And mine,” Uhtred huffed a laugh, his breath misting around him.

The docks were loud and crowded around them and Uhtred realised he really couldn’t bring himself to another day of fruitless searching for their mysterious attackers. Besides, the tip of Finan’s nose had grown pink in the cold and it was wearing on his already thin self-control.

“Come on, lets get some food and wander home,” Uhtred nudged Finan towards a vendor selling fish and chips.

“It’s as if you read my mind,” Finan agreed readily.

~

They were playing cards in the parlour, warmed by the fire and a pot of coffee, when Tillie found them.

“Finan,” Tillie bobbed a quick hello to the Irishman.

“Afternoon Tillie,” he smiled back, “care to join us?”

“Oh I would but cook is expecting me back, Uhtred can I borrow you a moment?”

“Of course. Don’t look at my cards,” he shot back at Finan as he stood to follow Tillie outside.

“As if you’re going to win anyway,” Finan scoffed, earning him a roll of the eyes.

“Did you get it?” Uhtred asked as he closed the door behind him.

“Oh yes I did, I’ve put it in the top drawer of your dresser, I’m sure he’ll love it,” Tillie smiled warmly at him.

“Thank you Tillie, truly.”

“Anyway nevermind that,” she waved her hand at him making Uhtred blink in bemusement, “more important matters, you need to be careful at dinner, Master Aelfric is in a terrible temper.”

“When isn’t he in a temper?”

“Not like this, I had it from Oswi that he was expecting an invite to Lady Curthwaite’s Christmas dinner party but there has been none and now he is determined to make everyone suffer for it. I had to give Oswi some cooking sherry just to calm his nerves!” Tillie explained in a rushed whisper.

“Is he alright?”

“Yes, yes he’s fine, you know as well as I that Oswi is more accustomed to Aelfric’s moods than anyone but I’ve no doubt you will be in the firing line as well so just tread carefully tonight, please.”

“Right, I’ll bear that in mind then.”

“Good, now I need to get back, cook is trying to make sure everything is perfect but we all know Aelfric will find fault somewhere and the younger girls are in a flap,” Tillie sighed.

“Is there anything I can help with?”

“No, gosh no, you will only get under our feet,” Tillie laughed, already dashing off.

Uhtred watched her go, trying to figure out if he should feel insulted before shaking his head and returning to Finan to fill him in.

~

Aelfric was every bit as furious as Tillie had promised.

He had already snapped at Uhtred twice to sit up straight before any food was even served.

One of the maids hands shook as she set down the gravy, a drop spilling over onto the tablecloth.

“Is it too much to ask for some competence around here?” Aelfric slammed his hand on the table, making the girl flinch as she stumbled over an apology.

“Uncle, you do not need to terrorise her,” Uhtred objected.

“And you do not tell me how to manage my household boy,” Aelfric hissed back at him.

“Yes Uncle,” Uhtred conceded through gritted teeth. Finan knocked his foot against Uhtred’s leg and Uhtred let it ground him though the burn of anger remained.

No-one had much appetite through dinner which was just as well because it meant it was over quickly.

Aelfric barked for the dishes to be cleared away before returning his attention to Uhtred.

“We are returning to the Bamburgh estate next week, I trust you are capable of seeing to your own preparations?”

“Yes Uncle, might I ask why?”

“You may not, you will do as you are told for once and that is all,” Aelfric snapped, “now that is settled, I have business to attend to.”

Uhtred and Finan sat in tense silence as he left, the door barely closed behind him when Uhtred stood abruptly.

“I will kill him,” Uhtred growled.

“You will not,” Finan sighed, “though God knows we would all like to see it at this point.”

“I would settle for maiming,” Uhtred complained, making Finan laugh.

“Bamburgh for Christmas then?”

“So it would seem, we do not visit often but it can be quite peaceful, it’s much colder than here though,” Uhtred warned.

“Then I shall pack my warmest socks,” Finan grinned.

~

The house was about as chaotic as Uhtred had ever seen it in the days following. People coming and going with parcels and missives from Aelfric at all hours.

Uhtred packed his own trunk, if a little sloppily, tucking Finan’s gift in the folds of his clothes.

They kept away from the bustle and from Aelfric’s temper as much as possible, which was easy enough between visiting everyone before they were due to leave. They brought parcels of clothes and sweets to Iseult and the children and a copy of The Happy Prince that Uhtred had managed to procure to add to Iseult’s bookshelves.

Sihtric and Osferth spent an evening with them at The Dog and Duck, getting drunk enough to start an off-key round of Good King Wenceslas. Finan almost laughed himself sick at them until Uhtred bullied him into joining in. To his utter exasperation Finan could actually sing well.

Tillie got her gloves and embarrassed them both by kissing their cheeks in exuberant delight.

Beocca even promised dinner at New Years which was at least something to look forward to when they returned.

By the time the morning of their departure arrived Uhtred was tired and bleary-eyed. He had barely managed to drag himself from bed and dress before there was a thumping on his door.

It burst open before he had even reached it.

“What the fuck is this?” Finan demanded, slamming the door behind him.

“It looks like a letter?”

“It’s a fucking job offer Uhtred!”

“Oh.”

“Yes, _‘oh_ ’, ‘you’re services have been recommended by our mutual acquaintance Lady Gisela’. Am I supposed to believe you had no hand in this?!”

“I just thought…”

“Thought? _Thought?!_ You didn’t think!” Finan yelled, “You can’t decide other people’s lives like that, if you want so badly to be rid of me then fine! I will leave you be!”

“That’s not what I…” Uhtred was interrupted by a knock at the door, “Just, just hold on alright?”

He crossed to the door, opening it to Oswi who looked like he had very much heard the shouting, his eyes flicking nervously over Uhtred’s shoulder and back.

“I’m very sorry sirs but Master Aelfric is quite insistent you come now.”

“Of course, no apology necessary Oswi, we’re coming now,” Uhtred assured him, Oswi nodded politely and hastened away.

“Can we still talk later?” Uhtred asked Finan quietly.

“No need,” Finan spat, shouldering his way out of the door ahead of him.

Swallowing down the panic in his throat, Uhtred followed.

~

It was certainly the most uncomfortable carriage ride in Uhtred’s memory, both Aelfric and Finan in a foul mood.

He had expected Aelfric to be so that made little difference but the bunched up fury of Finan’s limbs made him want to punch something in frustration, maybe himself.

He had explained himself a thousand times in his mind between the house and the docks where their passenger ship awaited but he could say nothing with Aelfric there.

He hoped that he could corner Finan once they were on board but Finan shut himself away as soon as they had found their cabins. It would be a long and miserable journey Uhtred realised, retiring to his own cabin to stare at the ceiling and rethink his entire life.

~

Uhtred spent most of his time in the following days on deck, avoiding Aelfric who had already annoyed half the crew, and watching for when Finan might leave his cabin.

He hadn’t seen the Irishman once since they boarded and it was making him jittery.

He usually enjoyed being at sea though it had been a rare occurrence in his life. Something about the salt air and watching the waves slip past the hull had always calmed him though there was no calmness in him now.

Some of the deck-hands had grown so used to his loitering they began to greet him each morning, joking that if he stood there much longer they would put him to work.

It wasn’t until the fourth day that he heard them grumbling about a seasick passenger.

“Someone’s sick?” Uhtred called out to them.

“Sure there’s always at least one, should be on the ropes but here I am taking the land grubber fresh water,” the lad complained, “thought it’d be one o’ you London boys that got sick, not the Irish one.”

“The Irish one?”

“Yeah, say didn’t you board with him? Don’t suppose you’d do us a favour and take it to him so I can get back where I should be?”

“Yes! Yes, of course,” Uhtred rushed to agree, walking over to take the tin bowl from him.

“Thank you mister! Generous of ye.”

Uhtred watched him dash off towards the rigging feeling like he should be the one saying thank you.

At least now he had an excuse to go to Finan’s room, he was less likely to get a door shut in his face if he came bearing gifts.

Though he liked ships he didn’t have the practised steadiness of the crew so he went slowly as he carried the water below deck to Finan’s cabin and only by some miracle didn’t spill any.

Fitting the bowl under one arm Uhtred prepared himself for the look on Finan’s face when he opened the door but all he got when he knocked was a mumbled, “Come in.”

Finan was lying on his cot when Uhtred walked in, eyes closed. He looked awful, paler even than his own sheets but it had been four long days, the longest they had gone without talking since they met and Uhtred still had to supress a smile at the sight of him.

“Thank you, you can leave it on the side,” Finan rasped.

“You’re welcome.”

Finan’s eyes blinked open in surprise when he recognised Uhtred’s voice.

“Uhtred? What the hell are you doing here?”

“Heard you were one foot in the grave, thought I’d pay my respects before we chucked you overboard.”

Finan stared at him in unimpressed silence.

“I was asked to bring you water,” Uhtred conceded, placing the bowl on the side.

“Well, now you have delivered it.”

“I have.”

Finan sighed when he realised Uhtred wasn’t going to leave, closing his eyes again.

Uhtred smiled victoriously and then immediately tried to rearrange his face into a neutral expression when Finan opened his eyes again.

“If you are determined to stay I am too tired to argue,” Finan grumbled.

“Then I will stay, have you eaten?”

“I had some gruel this morning but I don’t think I can stomach anything else.”

Uhtred steadied himself as the ship swayed beneath him and tried not to be alarmed when Finan turned even greyer.

“I hate boats,” Finan groaned.

“Technically I think you would call this a ship,” Uhtred teased, deciding if he was here he should at least do something he took the cloth from Finan’s forehead and rinsed it in the bowl of water, “and didn’t you travel by ship when you came over from Ireland?”

“I hated it then too but at least I had my mother with me,” Finan sighed.

Uhtred nodded silently, squeezing the excess water from the cloth and laying it back on Finan’s forehead. Job done for the moment he arranged himself on the floor leaning up against the cot, his clothes were long since ruined anyway.

“I never knew my mother,” Uhtred admitted eventually, “she died giving birth to me, I had a stepmother but she left just as soon as my father died which I cannot blame her for, I would have done the same if I could.”

“I take it your father was not a pleasant man?”

“Imagine Aelfric but ten times worse and a hard set belief in physically educating children and his wife for that matter.”

“Sounds lovely,” Finan commented archly.

“A true gentleman,” Uhtred snorted.

The ship rocked slightly again and Finan let out a shaky groan, curling onto his side with an arm wrapped around his stomach.

Uhtred half-stood, leaning his weight on the side of the cot.

“What can I do?”

“Knock me out so I can stay unconscious for the rest of this damned journey?”

“Pass, next option?”

“Why are you even here Uhtred? Why are you _actually_ here? And don’t tell me it’s out of some misplaced guilt, we don’t owe each other anything.”

“You may not believe it right now but I do count you as a friend and caring about your wellbeing happens to be an inevitable by-product,” Uhtred huffed, settling back on the floor and staring at the wall while he tried to unknot the way his gut clenched around the hurt of Finan’s words.

It was true enough that Finan didn’t owe him anything but Uhtred owed him more than he could voice.

“Really? Because it seemed an awful lot like you convinced me to lie to my employer and then when you had no further use of me arranged for me to be despatched elsewhere,” Finan snarled.

“That’s not – that’s what you thought? Fuck, I would hate me too,” Uhtred laughed flatly, “believe me or don’t but I was just trying to help, you’ve already done too much, you should be free to build a better life without being pulled into my uncle’s schemes. I thought you deserved a choice at least.”

Finan stayed silent so Uhtred continued.

“I would have come to you when I had some options, asked you what you wanted to do, wasn’t expecting someone to try and get ahead and write to you.”

“You’re an arse and an idiot,” Finan told him eventually, “and you’re lucky I’m too exhausted to hit you… but I appreciate what you were trying to do.”

“Forgiven?” Uhtred turned to Finan, he was still curled on his side watching Uhtred steadily.

“Forgiven,” Finan sighed, the barest hint of a smile.   
  
Uhtred turned away, he would be too tempted to climb onto the cot and curl around Finan if he kept looking at him like that.

“So?” Uhtred asked.

“So what?”

“So would you be interested? I can keep looking for some better employment for you, it’s got to be preferable to having to follow me around all the time. Just because I’m stuck with my bullying uncle doesn’t mean you have to be.”

Finan was quiet so long that Uhtred glanced at him, worried he had fallen asleep.

“I will think about it,” Finan conceded, “but leave it until we have at least found out who wanted to attack you, Gisela will string me up if you get hurt as soon as I’m not around.”

“I can take care of myself you know,” Uhtred grumbled.

“Oh really?” Finan chuckled, nudging the back of Uhtred’s head with his foot.

“Oi, says the person done in by one little trip on a boat,” Uhtred teased, hitting back at Finan’s leg.

“Thought you said it was a ship?” Finan snuffled a laugh into his pillow.

Uhtred wanted to kiss the laughter from his lips. In another life he might have.

“Alright, alright, you get one free pass to mock me because you’re ill but once we’re back on solid ground it’s fair game,” Uhtred retorted.

“The most gracious of gentlemen,” Finan snickered, nudging the back of Uhtred’s head with his foot again.

“I am more than gracious for letting you hit me, you sorry excuse for a bodyguard,” Uhtred mock glared.

“I think you’ll find I’m the best on the market, recommended by the Lady Gisela herself.”

“You may be right there.”

“Really?”

“I am glad it was you and not someone else,” Uhtred admitted.

“High praise indeed, is this because I helped you hide from that barman with the meat cleaver that time?”

“No, it isn’t,” Uhtred rolled his eyes, “shut up and get some sleep, we’ve still another two days before we reach port.”

“You leaving?”

“No, I’ll stay,” Uhtred took a deck of cards from his pocket and waved them.

Satisfied, Finan’s eyes slid closed.

Uhtred stayed as promised, quietly playing cards as he listened to the rocking of the ship and Finan’s soft breaths.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wishing you all a kinder year in 2021!
> 
> Fun fact: The first use of the word 'homosexuality' was in a German pamphlet written by Karl-Maria Kertbeny in 1869. If you're interested in historical LGBT activism then its worth reading about him :) 
> 
> Let me know what you think! ❤


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry that updates are without rhyme or reason at the moment but I am so so so grateful for everyone sticking with this story, like you wouldn't believe, it's a shining light in the pile of shit that is currently life 😅

Finan had never been happier to stand on solid ground as he was when they finally docked, even if he still vaguely felt like he was swaying.

He took a deep breath of the cold air, letting it clear the lingering nausea and ignoring Uhtred’s amused smirk.

Uhtred had spent much of the last two days in his cabin, fetching food and water when needed and keeping him company. It made him feel selfish, especially when he would fall asleep and wake to find Uhtred still there but he couldn’t have brought himself to ask Uhtred to leave even if he had tried.

The hurt of thinking Uhtred had wanted him gone had been as intense as it was sudden and the relief that had followed when he found out that Uhtred had only acted out of care left him reeling.

He could no longer pretend that he didn’t feel pulled towards Uhtred in a way that went far beyond friendship.

It was terrifying and dangerous and the only thing that mattered.

The shiver that ran through him every time Uhtred’s skin accidentally brushed against his was addictive. He could put up with most anything if he could hold onto that feeling.

He watched Uhtred saying goodbye to some of the deckhands whilst Aelfric oversaw the unloading of their trunks. Truthfully he should have accepted Uhtred’s offer to seek better, and less fraught, employment and if you had asked him a few months ago he would have jumped at the chance.

But now, now, watching Uhtred laugh in the dawn-light, he did not think he could bear the parting.

Four days of pretending to be angry with him and mostly feeling sorry for himself had been painful enough.

No, if Finan had any say in the matter he would stand by Uhtred’s side as long as he was allowed, even if it was just as friends.

“Feeling better?” Uhtred asked as he walked back over.

“Much,” Finan answered honestly.

“Truly?” Uhtred grinned, jabbing at Finan’s side.

“Oi, if I feel the urge to throw up in the carriage just know that I’ll be aiming for you.”

“Are you honestly telling me that you would forego the look on my uncle’s face if you were to throw up on him?”

“Considering that I would be immediately dismissed, yes I am. Are you sure you’re not trying to get rid of me?”

Finan had meant it as a joke but Uhtred winced like it had been an accusation.

He allowed himself the indulgence of placing his hand on Uhtred’s arm, if only to scrub that wounded look from Uhtred’s eyes.

“I’m kidding,” Finan told him softly.

“I know that,” Uhtred smiled crookedly at him, “you’ve agreed to stay now anyway so you’re stuck with me.”

“Nowhere else I’d rather be,” Finan whispered to himself as Uhtred walked away to where Aelfric was beckoning them impatiently to the carriage.

~

The Bamburgh estate was an impressive sight and Finan couldn’t help but be a little awed by it as he stepped out of the carriage onto the forecourt.

He had grown up comfortably but his family were merchant gentry, still considered new money by most though they had been Lords in Ireland for nigh on a hundred years. Uhtred’s family was very clearly old wealth.

The servants stood lined up on the steps to greet them, it did not look as if Oswi had arrived yet but he shouldn’t be too far behind, following by coach with the rest of their luggage once he had sorted the last few things at the house.

It had snowed a little and Finan could already feel the cold burrowing under his coat. He stepped closer to Uhtred as Aelfric walked ahead of them. It was quite possibly one of his favourite things about Uhtred that he gave out so much body heat at any given moment that he may as well be a walking furnace.

“They will have the fires roaring, we’ll soon be warm,” Uhtred told him, seemingly recognising the chill in Finan’s bones before he even had a chance to complain about it.

“You did warn me I suppose.”

“I did,” Uhtred chuckled.

Aelfric was already ordering people about when they got to the doors, organising the unloading of their luggage and demanding tea and breakfast be made ready. Uhtred waved at some of the servants as they went past and took a deep breath as they stepped into the front hall.

“Welcome to my home Finan,” Uhtred grinned at him, a lightness to him that warmed Finan more than any fire.

The smell of old wood and recently displaced dust surrounded them.

“I could get lost here,” Finan commented, unconsciously lowering his voice as if the house might disapprove of his hesitancy.

“Fortuitous then that you have an excellent guide,” Uhtred winked, resting his hand on Finan’s shoulder.

“Fortuitous indeed,” Finan smirked, holding Uhtred’s gaze a beat longer than he should have.

“Uhtred! I am assured breakfast shall be served within the half hour,” Aelfric interrupted them and Finan tried not to feel the loss when Uhtred’s hand jerked back from his shoulder, “I trust you can make yourself decent in that time, we will eat in the dining room.”

“Do we really need the dining room for just the three of us Uncle?”

“It is proper, something you may not care about but I certainly do so that is how it shall be,” Aelfric replied caustically, “Finan the room next to Uhtred’s has been prepared for you, I am sure that my nephew is at least capable of showing you the way.”

It was a small mercy that Uhtred waited till Aelfric was already walking away to pull a face. Finan would be lying if he said he wasn’t tempted to pull a face himself.

“Come on then,” Uhtred sighed.

~

The next couple days passed peaceably enough, the best part of Bamburgh manor as Uhtred would have it, was that there were plenty of places to hide away, so they only really saw Aelfric at mealtimes.

Many parts of the house were still under dust sheets but Finan cared about as much as Uhtred, which was not at all. Rather he just enjoyed listening to the stories of Uhtred’s childhood.

This is where he broke a vase and hid the pieces under the sofa. This is where he first tried whiskey after stealing from his father’s liquor cabinet. This is where he bled on the rug after trying to climb the mantelpiece and falling against the grate. This is the corner where he had his first kiss with a scullery maid and got yelled at by the housekeeper.

If Finan had been doomed before he was even more so now.

On the third day Aelfric announced that they would be holding a private ball on Christmas eve with the local families in attendance.

“I wouldn’t have thought your uncle the sort to throw a ball on a whim,” Finan commented as they walked down to the village. It had snowed more in the night and their footsteps crunched along the path.

“He isn’t but I fear he is trying to prove something which means we must suffer with him,” Uhtred sighed, “so much for a quiet Christmas.”

“It may not be so bad, families around here can’t be as condescending as many of the London families surely?”

“Let us hope so, it’s been a good few years since we stayed here long enough to really socialise with them.”

Finan watched Uhtred from the corner of his eye and decided that he looked too glum for his liking. He stopped by a low wall and scooped up some of the snow there, grateful for the insulation of his gloves as he packed it into a ball.

The yelp that came from Uhtred when the snowball landed squarely on the back of his head, dripping down under his collar, was anything but dignified. It did however make Finan feel incredibly pleased with himself so he counted it as a win.

“Oh it’s like that is it?” Uhtred swerved around accusingly, promptly gathering up a handful of snow to pelt back at him.

Finan dodged, laughing. “You’ll have to try harder than that, rich boy,” he goaded.

The next snowball caught Finan on the side of the face as he was trying to gather up his own projectile. He spluttered a little and pointed a protesting finger at Uhtred who was almost doubled up with laughter. He resumed his efforts and took advantage of Uhtred’s distraction to retaliate, hitting him squarely in the chest.

For long exhilarating moments there was nothing but them on an abandoned country path with no care for anything but pelting the other with more snow than they got hit with.

By the time Finan threw his hands up in surrender they were both out of breath and absolutely covered.

“The post office will be shut if we don’t get there soon,” Finan gasped, grinning.

“Sure, sure, you just don’t want to admit you were losing,” Uhtred laughed.

“You wanna bet? You’re more snow than man, it’s all in your hair!”

Uhtred pulled at the tie holding his hair up and shook his head sharply to get rid of the snow.

“Alright I take it back, you’re more dog than man,” Finan teased.

Uhtred shoved his shoulder lightly and flicked some snow from his suit toward Finan.

“Oi, I’m soaked enough as it is thanks,” Finan grumbled good-naturedly. Now that they had stopped moving he could feel the cold setting in and a shiver went through him.

Uhtred seemed to notice and take pity on him, reaching over to brush the snow from his suit, making him shiver for an entirely different reason. Finan let him, watching as Uhtred realised halfway through what he was doing and retracted his hand sharply.

“Come on, the quicker we get there the quicker we can get back and get warm,” Uhtred prompted, resuming their walk down to the village.

Finan tried not to read too much into it but he could already feel his mood sinking. Had he betrayed himself? Had Uhtred sensed that the way Finan thought of him had changed? Had he made him uncomfortable?

~

Thankfully there was little time in the next few days to mope, everyone was roped into helping with the preparations for the ball. Messengers with accepted invitations came one after the other, traders, caterers. Half the local population seemed to traipse through the manor at any given moment.

By the time they sat down for lunch with Aelfric on the day of the ball they were all exhausted. 

None more so than the servants who had against all odds still managed to pull together soup, bread and cold meats for them amidst the chaos that was currently the kitchens.

Finan almost felt bad eating it but he couldn’t pretend he wasn’t hungry and it seemed more ungrateful not to eat somehow.

Aelfric however, though he did seem more tired than he might have if he hadn’t decided to organise a ball in less than a week, did appear to be in good spirits.

He tore his way through his lunch heartily, helping himself to a glass of claret as Uhtred and Finan sat around him in silence. 

“I presume you have your attire prepared for this evening?” Aelfric asked Uhtred, pressing a napkin to his lips in satisfaction.

“Of course Uncle,” Uhtred replied, clearly struggling to restrain the roll of his eyes much to Finan’s amusement.

“Very good, I shall expect you to be gracious and sociable this evening so do try to be anyone but yourself,” Aelfric instructed, amused at his own jibe.

Uhtred stayed quiet, which was probably for the best and Aelfric took it as assent, rising from the table and leaving them to their own devices.

“Is it me or is he more insufferable than usual?” Finan joked when Aelfric was gone, leaning back in his chair with a sigh.

“Almost certainly,” Uhtred snorted, “Lady Curthwaite may have spurned him but from what I gather local society are excited by the novelty of us returning and suddenly throwing a ball after several years so he knows as well as I that they will pander to him.”

“And to you?”

“I doubt we’ll be able to escape early put it that way,” Uhtred winced.

“Master Uhtred, the belle of the ball,” Finan snickered.

“God, don’t, I am trying not to think about it. You will be a novelty as well you know, I would wager your dance card will be full within moments.”

“You may as well just hand me the money now then, no society girl wants to shuffle around with a scruffy Irishman when the handsome heir of Bamburgh is around,” Finan laughed.

“Please, as if you don’t notice women looking at you, even Tillie has a crush on you!”

“She does?” Finan blinked in surprise.

“You really didn’t know?” Uhtred scrutinised him, “Interested?”

“She’s a sweet girl but I have my hands full keeping you out of trouble thanks,” Finan answered, hoping Uhtred would push it no further.

He did not, instead he went quiet which was perhaps more disconcerting.

There was still work to be done though and Finan would much rather be busy than examine the tangle of his thoughts and what Uhtred’s silence might imply so he chivvied Uhtred along and got to it.

~

Finan found himself incredibly grateful that he had used his first wage packet to invest in decent evening attire as he considered himself.

It would be a dull and difficult evening of watching Uhtred from the sidelines as he danced with young women vying for his attentions. He resolved himself that he would take it as practice, even after Uhtred came into his inheritance and Finan’s employment ended he hoped that they would remain friends and that meant at some point he would see Uhtred fall in love and marry.

Better to harden himself to it now than be hurt by it later.

Easier said than done when he exited his room to see Uhtred hovering in the hallway looking more tempting than he had any right to. For a moment he lost all resolve, imagining only pulling Uhtred to him and ruining every immaculate inch of him.

Tasting the shaky exhale of his breath and seeing his pupils blow wide with equal hunger.

So sudden and intense was the want that he almost missed what Uhtred said.

“You look good for a scruffy Irishman,” Uhtred smiled at him.

“And you look awful so we shall make a fine pair,” Finan scoffed reflexively, burying the errant line of thought as far to the back of his mind as it would go. Uhtred winked at him with a pleased grin as if Finan had just told him he were the most attractive man in Northumbria and led the way downstairs.

Finan took a deep breath and followed.

~

It was a credit to the household that the ballroom looked mesmerising. An imposing yule tree stood at the far end of the room decked in red and gold, the decorations seeming to glow in the warm light of the chandeliers and the fire.

The musicians had recently arrived and Oswi was busy directing them where to set up their instruments, Uhtred and Finan nodded to him and he waved distractedly back. Finan wondered if Aelfric was ready then as well if he no longer had need of his valet.

Uhtred and Finan glanced at each other, feeling at odds with nothing to help with and the guests not arrived yet. Uhtred nudged him towards the adjoining dining room, at least they could get a drink while they waited.

The table was laden with food and refreshments, so much that Finan doubted even half would be eaten by the end of the night but he knew that it was less about feeding the guests than it was about a show of wealth.

Uhtred headed straight to the sideboard, pouring them both a glass of whiskey.

“To surviving the night.”

“To surviving the night,” Finan agreed, knocking their glasses together with a wry smile.

~

The guests soon began to filter in, their carriages arriving one after the other. Aelfric appeared to greet them, already flush with the deference offered him.

Uhtred did his own part in greeting them, Finan lingering to the side and trying to avoid the curious stares.

Before long the ballroom was full of chatter, black-suited gentleman and gentlewomen decked in silk and tulle. Finan could already feel himself growing uncomfortably warm.

“Do you even recognise half of them?” Finan whispered to Uhtred as Aelfric bowed to a woman with a necklace of sapphires that seemed so heavy it might break her neck and invited her to lead the first set. Others joined them on the floor and Aelfric gestured to the musicians to begin, a fast waltz filling the air.

“I recognise names more than I recognise faces truthfully,” Uhtred shrugged.

“And the woman making her way over here?”

“Ah, her I do recognise,” Uhtred smiled, “Lady Brullon, she has an estate just a few miles from here. She’s been a family friend since I was a child, she was always kind to me.”

They bowed as she approached, receiving a curtsey from her and the younger woman she had in tow in return.

“Lady Brullon, a pleasure to see you again.”

“Mr Brandon, you are quite grown since I saw you last! A fine young gentleman indeed, your mother would be so proud dear, God rest her soul.”

“Thank you,” Uhtred replied, clearly abashed by her earnestness.

Finan took a sip of his drink to supress the urge to reach out to Uhtred, remembering their conversation on the ship. They both knew too well what it was to be motherless. 

“Let me introduce my friend,” Uhtred continued, moving the conversation along, “Mr Finan O’Neill.”

“Wonderful to meet you sir, I am so glad that Uhtred has a companion, he was always too much on his own as a child,” she greeted him with a conspiratorial smile as Uhtred cleared his throat awkwardly.

“A pleasure to meet you as well Lady Brullon,” Finan nodded to her with a smile, easily swept into the warmth of her manner.

“And of course this is my daughter, Eleanor,” she continued, pulling the young girl forward, “though I do not think you have seen each other since you were both red-cheeked babes.”

“Mama,” Eleanor attempted to hush her mother in embarrassment but Lady Brullon just laughed and patted her hand fondly.

“You have kept yourself hidden away in London far too long Uhtred, we shall have some amusement tonight, you shall see.”

“I look forward to it,” Uhtred grinned at her indulgently.

Lady Brullon glanced back at the floor where the first dance was coming to an end.

“Will you be dancing?” she asked them.

“I will if you will accompany me,” Uhtred answered, saving Finan from having to make his own excuses.

“Oh you flatter me but my dancing days are long over, I’m sure my daughter would make a much more pleasant dance partner.”

 _Oh she’s good,_ Finan thought to himself, _Uhtred walked right into that one._

“Of course, it would be an honour Miss Brullon,” Uhtred accepted graciously.

For someone who generally disliked society functions and adhering to the rules of propriety Uhtred was clearly good at it when he wanted to be. It was strange seeing this side of him, he couldn’t say that he disliked it, only that it made him feel more distant from Uhtred than ever.

Whatever imaginings he might have, they could only be that.

“And yourself Mr O’Neill?” Lady Brullon interrupted his moment of self-pity, “Eleanor’s dear friend Miss Hatcham is without partner.”

“Ah you’ll have to forgive me Lady Brullon, I would make a poor dance partner, I’m sure that Miss Hatcham would prefer any one of the gentlemen here to accompany her,” Finan excused himself.

“Very well dear, I shan’t force you,” she pressed a hand to his arm kindly.

The waltz ended, the dancers clapping the musicians and Aelfric retreating to a corner with some of the older men to share drinks.

“Shall we?” Uhtred invited Miss Brullon, she blushed prettily and took his arm. Uhtred paused, glancing back at Finan but Finan had decided not to be selfish before the evening had even begun so he put on a teasing smirk and shooed Uhtred away.

“They look quite charming together don’t you think?” Lady Brullon smiled as she watched Uhtred and her daughter take their places for the next dance.

“They do,” Finan agreed, swallowing around the lump in his throat.

~

Lady Brullon excused herself to find some refreshment in the next room shortly after. Finan stayed, watching, for a few more minutes, but there was a growing tightness in his chest and he eventually had to escape.

He found an empty side room and sunk into a chair, head between his hands as he tried to breathe through the pain. Hopefully no-one would find him here for a while and he could unravel in privacy, he would make his excuses to Uhtred later.

He was granted no such kindness however as he heard approaching footsteps not long after, he looked up just as Uhtred pushed the door open.

“There you are!” Uhtred sighed in relief.

“Sorry, it was too warm, just needed a moment.”

“Sure, could do with the break myself honestly,” Uhtred sprawled in the chair opposite as Finan tried to rearrange his face into a neutral expression, “are you sure that’s all?”

“Of course, why?” Finan replied a little too quickly.

“You seem a little skittish I guess? Is it because Lady Brullon asked if you would dance with that girl?”

“Yeah, it’s been so many years I can’t really remember most of the dances, I would only embarrass myself,” Finan seized on the excuse, it was mostly true after all, he wasn’t really sure that he remembered most of it.

“Well that’s easily remedied,” Uhtred stood and held out a hand to him, “it’s in there somewhere, you just need a reminder.”

“What?”

“I’ll show you, come on,” Uhtred shook his hand at him again.

Finan gaped at him for a moment.

_Bad idea bad idea bad idea._

He took Uhtred’s hand and stood. It felt reckless and dangerous but he couldn't stop himself.

Uhtred gripped his hand more firmly and Finan could almost fool himself into thinking that Uhtred looked a little flush in the light of the fire.

They could hear the low hum of the music from the ballroom and Finan swallowed his hesitancy to place his other hand on Uhtred’s waist, Uhtred resting his hand on his arm in turn. They seemed to hover there for a moment, caught between breaths.

Finan could feel the warmth of Uhtred’s skin where their hands were joined, the slight roughness, he held onto the sensation, tucked it away into his memory.

Uhtred took the first step, prompting Finan into movement. As they fell into the rhythm of the waltz Finan realised Uhtred was right, the memory had been buried but it was still there. Slowly he began to lead with more confidence.

It was thrilling in a way that Finan hadn’t known he was allowed, his gaze flickered uncertainly to his feet now and again as they moved about the small room but mostly he watched the smile on Uhtred’s face.

“See? Told you you could do it,” Uhtred assured him.

“Fine, you’re right one time,” Finan smirked back.

“I’m right _all_ the time,” Uhtred scoffed.

“Keep telling yourself that,” Finan laughed.

They probably could have stopped, Finan clearly remembered the basics at least but they kept dancing. If Uhtred wasn’t letting go then Finan wasn’t about to, he would soak in the warmth and the smell of whiskey and cologne for as long as he was allowed to.

It could not go on forever though, the music eventually coming to a stop.

Their feet halted and Finan felt frozen in the silence. Uhtred was so close, so close that he could feel his breath on his skin. Unable to help himself his eyes dropped to Uhtred’s lips, imagining for the second time that night what they would taste like.

A burst of laughter startled him and he pulled away from Uhtred so fast he almost stumbled.

A couple of young women walked past the doorway, giggling between themselves.

Finan watched them, happy and carefree, his own stomach sinking as he remembered that the rest of the world still existed.

“We should head back,” Finan said finally, though he couldn’t bring himself to look at Uhtred, just forced one foot in front of the other until he was on his way back to the ballroom and hoped that Uhtred would follow and not question the rawness of his voice.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The slow burn is kinda killing me to write at this point but there's just so much Victorian gay repression man, although Finan does manage to be both very repressed and a thirsty hoe so y'know, swings and roundabouts
> 
> I really hope you liked it, please let me know if you do!
> 
> xx


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Valentines Day! Have some pining touch-starved gays 🎉
> 
> (It's actually past midnight here now but I haven't slept yet so it still counts dammit)
> 
> Much love to you all, hope you enjoy ❤

Uhtred was sat at the far end of the table in Bamburgh’s main dining room. He couldn’t remember getting there.

When he looked up he saw his father sitting, _looming_ , at the head of the table. Uhtred had half expected him to be there but was still struck by the desperate need to leave, to get out of there and put as much distance between them as he could.

But when he went to stand the floor fell away into darkness. He gripped the chair arms, a quivering rush of fear spreading through him, he knew only death awaited if he fell into that blackness.

_If he could pull himself onto the table, find where the shadows stopped and the floor began again._

But that way lay his father, whose face was closer now, familiar strained lines of anger crumpling his face into something vicious and animal.

Uhtred had disappointed him. He had. He knew he had.

He would be punished for it.

Sweat prickled at the back of his neck, his breath stuttering around the swelling panic in his lungs, shadows stretching till all that was left was Uhtred and his father’s disapproval.

It was too hot, orange flickering at the edge of Uhtred’s vision and for a moment he wondered if his father was here to drag him to hell with him.

But when his father opened his cracked lips it was not his voice that came out.

_“Uhtred…Uhtred!”_

Uhtred woke heaving for air and immediately choked on the searing pain in his lungs. 

He squeezed his eyes shut against the sudden brightness, his body curling around a wave of spasming coughs as someone pulled at him till he fell to the floor with a thud.

The arms around his chest left and he managed to open his eyes just enough to see Finan throwing a jug of water over the fire that had taken up half his bed, frantically pulling down the bed curtains to tamp down the last of the flames.

Uhtred opened his mouth to speak but was overcome by another wave of coughing, his eyes watering with the force of it. Finan, who had seemed frozen a moment as he stared at where the blaze had been, jolted into action at the sound.

He knelt next to Uhtred, helping him to sit up against the wall as the coughs slowed.

Finan pressed a hand to Uhtred’s cheek, pulling his head up to look at him.

“You with me?”

Uhtred nodded, not trusting himself to speak. The taste of the smoke was so thick in his mouth he wanted to retch, he tried to swallow around it but his throat only clicked drily.

“Alright, stay here, I’ll be right back.”

Uhtred gave him a ‘ _where exactly do you expect me to go?’_ look and got a very stressed _‘I know, shut up’_ look in return.

When he had left Uhtred leaned his head back, eyes closing against the remaining sting. The smoke in the air was starting to clear thankfully but Uhtred’s chest still rose and fell fitfully, his heart pounding heavily.

He wasn’t sure how much time had passed when Finan returned, it could not have been much but everything seemed slow and blurred around the edges. He opened his eyes to the feeling of Finan’s arm coming around his shoulder to prop him up and the cold touch of a cup pressed to his lips.

“Drink,” Finan instructed and Uhtred did gratefully, the water washing away some of the scratch in his throat. He had to push Finan’s hand away when he tried to gulp it down too quickly and lost his breath again.

“Can you stand?” Finan asked, “We should get out of here.”

“Yeah,” Uhtred rasped, accepting Finan’s help as he stood.

Finan left his side to fill another cup of water once they reached his room, Uhtred slumping onto the edge of Finan’s bed.

“Here.”

Uhtred nodded his thanks, drinking slower this time.

“What happened?” Uhtred croaked eventually, placing the empty cup on the side.

“You tell me!” Finan exhaled explosively, beginning to pace where before he had been hovering, still and nervous. “I only went to the kitchens for some milk because I couldn’t sleep and I came back and smelled smoke coming from your room and your bed was on fucking fire,” Finan hissed.

“Then you know more than I do,” Uhtred sighed and immediately felt a cough crawl its way back up his throat. He tried and failed to breathe through it, Finan grabbed him more water and sat next to him as he passed it over, the frustration seeping from him.

“Did you have a candle by your bed? Maybe it got knocked over,” Finan asked when Uhtred had recovered again.

“Yes, but I put it out before I slept.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes! Very sure! I remember doing it, I can’t have… I can’t have imagined that?”

“Seems strange for you to but what else could it have been? Maybe you were overtired and it didn’t go out completely.”

“Maybe,” Uhtred conceded, the memory of crushing the wick seemed real enough but trying to think what else it could have been made his head hurt, smoke-addled and crashing into exhaustion now the immediate panic was over.

Uhtred’s hands clenched around his cup of water, irritated with himself, and immediately a sharp noise was punched from him as pain radiated from his hand up his arm. He almost dropped the cup but Finan managed to grab it just in time.

“What’s wrong?” Finan asked, Uhtred said nothing just spread his palms out. Even in the dim light they looked furiously red, “Jesus why didn’t you tell me.”

“Honestly didn’t notice till now,” Uhtred shrugged, trying not to startle at the cold touch of Finan’s fingers on his wrist as he held his hands up for closer scrutiny.

“Shit, I’ll have to see if I can find some carron oil in the morning but we should wash them for now at least.”

“Carron oil?”

“Best thing for it,” Finan told him distractedly as he let Uhtred’s hands go and made his way to the basin in the corner to wet a cloth, “we always had some in our packs in Transvaal but if I can’t find any then I can probably improvise something.”

“Sounds like you’ve had your share of experience with burns,” Uhtred commented if only to say something rather than just sit staring at how soft Finan looked in his nightwear.

“More than I care to remember,” Finan smiled tightly as he returned to sit next to Uhtred on the bed tucking one leg under him. Carefully Finan pulled Uhtred’s hand onto his knee, cradling it at the wrist to keep the hand still as he washed it.

It stung but Uhtred was too preoccupied with the way Finan’s fingers warmed against his skin to really care. Every touch felt more precious than he deserved.

“Other hand,” Finan prompted.

“Hm? Oh, sorry,” Uhtred switched hands quickly, embarrassed to be caught out. Finan’s thumb came to rest on the underside of his wrist as he began to clean Uhtred’s other hand and Uhtred just hoped that Finan couldn’t feel the way his pulse was jumping.

The ache in his chest had nothing to do with smoke now. For one heart-stopping moment earlier as they danced alone in the parlour he had believed that if he leaned in he would not have been rejected. But the music had ended, the moment interrupted and Finan had left without a single glance back, acting as if nothing had happened the rest of the night.

Uhtred wondered now if he hadn’t just been seeing what he wanted to see. Or if Finan had felt it too but been scared by it.

Finan didn’t strike him as a man scared by much but if anything was terrifying it was this, it could ruin both of them. Uhtred knew enough to understand that Finan had lost far too much already, no, if there was any chance Uhtred wasn’t alone in this feeling then it would have to be Finan’s choice.

Finan had already finished washing the burns on his hands and was now binding them with fresh cloth when Uhtred brought himself to look down.

“Not half bad if I do say so myself,” Finan grinned proudly when he was done.

“You make a fine nurse,” Uhtred fell back to teasing like it could hide his train of thought, somehow it still came out fond. Finan just rolled his eyes and stood to clean up.

His hands felt weird bandaged up, he wanted to flex them but he instinctively knew that it would hurt to do so and probably also ruin Finan’s good work.

“Do you think you can make it to morning without anymore near death experiences? Because I don’t know about you but I could definitely do with some sleep,” Finan sighed.

“Sleep sounds good,” _as long as it didn’t come with anymore dreams of his father,_ Uhtred thought to himself, “the airs probably cleared enough in my room for me to crash in the chair.”

“Right, I forgot there were guests in the other rooms, lord knows what they’ll think when they wake up to the corridor stinking of smoke, nevermind the housekeeper when she see’s your half-charred bed,” Finan smiled wryly.

“It was an accident, right? That’s enough explanation as they’ll need.”

“Yeah, an accident.”

Neither of them sounded very convinced.

“Sod the chair, you can stay here if you want,” Finan offered finally.

Uhtred looked up, startled, “Really?”

“I’ll only have to listen to you moan about you’re back hurting all day tomorrow otherwise.”

“I’ll take the ottoman then, I’m not kicking you out of your own bed.”

“You’re definitely not kicking me out of my own bed and you’ll be just as uncomfortable on the ottoman, we’ll just, we’ll both take the bed,” Finan shrugged, not quite meeting Uhtred’s eyes.

“Right.”

“Right.”

“Sleep then,” Uhtred swallowed roughly, standing to move to the other side of the bed. Getting under the covers with his hands wrapped up was a little awkward but it was nothing compared to the thrum of panic that went through him when Finan climbed into bed next to him.

He had never been so aware of his limbs, so unsure where to put his arms and legs that he somehow ended up lying stiffly on his back, staring fixedly at the bed canopy.

The bed dipped slightly as Finan leaned to snuff out the candle, lingering over the task as if he didn’t trust it to really be out.

Uhtred glanced at him and couldn’t help the nervous snort of laughter that escaped him.

“I think it’s well and truly out.”

“Well clearly we can’t be too safe,” Finan huffed making Uhtred laugh again, “oh shut up, next time I’ll just let you burn, how about that?”

“You won’t,” Uhtred smiled into the darkness.

“I would if I held any regard for my own sanity,” Finan muttered.

“If you weren’t a little mad I probably wouldn’t like you half so much,” Uhtred replied and immediately bit down on his tongue, worried he had said too much but Finan just hummed his acknowledgement and let silence lapse around them.

Uhtred shuffled a little, trying to get comfortable as he felt the exhaustion of the day and night settle over him.

“Do your hands hurt?” Finan mumbled.

“A little but it’s fine,” Uhtred whispered back.

“I’ll look for the oil in the morning, try and sleep.”

“Mm, you too,” Uhtred’s gaze flickered back over to where Finan had curled onto his side. It sent a pang through him to see Finan so close and vulnerable but still so out of reach.

He watched the slow rise and fall of Finan’s chest till eventually his eyes slid closed, the image following him into his dreams.

~

Uhtred woke up cold. He reached to push the hair from his face, the previous night coming back with startling clarity as soon as he felt his bandaged hand against his skin.

He sat up, staring at his hands, it still didn’t make sense but for now there was a different puzzle to be solved.

Where was Finan?

He clambered out of bed and got half way to the door before realising he was in his nightwear and there were very likely still guests about. Uhtred hovered, his toes curling against the cold wood floor.

He considered borrowing some of Finan’s clothes but his hands felt stiff and clumsy and by the time he had managed to awkwardly pull anything on perhaps Finan would be back anyway. Caught in indecision he ended up returning to the bed if only because it was so much colder outside of the blankets than it was under them.

He wasn’t about to even attempt to light the fire like this.

Uhtred pushed the pillows up behind his back as best he could and after a moment grabbed another pillow from Finan’s side of the bed. He paused a moment, realising it smelled like Finan and having to supress the urge to bury his head in it.

 _You’re a damn fool,_ Uhtred told himself and pushed the pillow behind his back.

Thankfully just as Finan opened the door.

“You’re awake.”

“I am, as are you.”

“I am, uh I found some carron oil, the cook had some,” Finan waved the small bottle in his hand as he shut the door behind him, “and some proper bandages as well.”

“That’s good,” Uhtred nodded as Finan came to sit on the bed. He wasn’t sure how to navigate things in the light of day but he was pretty sure he was doing it wrong.

Finan hadn’t run away yet though so he would take what he could get.

He let Finan take his hands so he could begin to unwrap the cloth from them, shuffling a little so he could face Finan more fully and make it easier for him.

Somehow the touch of Finan’s fingers against Uhtred’s skin was even more maddening in the light, every flex of his wrist, every time the pad of Finan’s thumb brushed casually against him. It took everything in him to keep still.

His palms looked awful when the last of the cloth came off, sore and red. Uhtred tried wriggling his fingers a little and received an admonishing look from Finan.

“Guess I won’t be playing the piano anytime soon.”

“You can play the piano?” Finan asked as he opened the jar of carron oil and spilled a little onto a clean cloth.

“No, well a little, but not well. It was a joke.”

“Oh.”

“Not a funny one clearly.”

Finan gave him a sardonic look and Uhtred was really, definitely, completely fucked because somehow that only made him want to kiss Finan more.

Finan went back to wiping the oil over his palms before bandaging them back up and Uhtred kept silent because he could not be trusted to talk right now.

The bandages were a little thinner than the cloths they had had to use the night before so Uhtred thankfully had better range of movement when Finan was done.

“You’ll need to change the bandages every day till the burns have cleared up,” Finan told him as he moved the used cloths and oil to the bedside table and stood up.

“Then I guess you’re on nurse duty a little longer,” Uhtred teased.

“Heaven help me,” Finan retorted, though he was smiling, “the guests will be waking soon even with the hangovers they’re sure to have, you should head back to your room before then. Aelfric will never forgive you if his successful little ball gets overshadowed by you getting accused of impropriety again.”

Uhtred rolled his eyes but got out of bed anyway. He didn’t care so much what vitriol Aelfric might level at him but Finan was bound to get dragged into it and Uhtred _did_ care about that.

Finan checked the hallway was clear before nodding to Uhtred but Uhtred found himself hesitating.

Finan looked inquiringly at him as he stood there trying to find the words.

“You saved my life last night,” Uhtred said finally.

“I’m… I’m sure you would have woken up and…” Finan deflected haltingly.

“I’m not so sure I would have,” Uhtred insisted and before he could convince himself otherwise pulled Finan into a hug.

He unconsciously closed his eyes, half expecting to be pushed back even as his arms tightened around Finan’s shoulders. But Finan didn’t push him back, just wrapped his arms around him in turn and Uhtred thought he might have sagged a little in relief.

_If he could just have this… if he could be allowed this… he would do anything to keep it._

“Merry Christmas Finan.”

“Merry Christmas Uhtred.”

And if Uhtred shivered a little at the feeling of Finan’s breath on his neck then at least Finan didn’t mention it.

~

Most of the guests had left already by the time Uhtred had managed to dress himself and make his way downstairs. Aelfric was already scowling at him but Lady Brullon was still there with her daughter so he was prevented from saying anything.

Lady Brullon had made her way over to him almost as soon as she saw him and was now tutting over his bandaged hands.

“It was just a small accident Lady Brullon, I am well, truly,” Uhtred assured her.

“You should be more careful dear, I did wonder why I smelled smoke this morning, it quite alarmed Eleanor and I.”

“I’m sorry to have concerned you both.”

“Nonsense, we’re just glad you’re alright.”

“Lady Brullon, forgive me, your carriage is here,” Aelfric interrupted.

“Oh of course, we should be getting home, now Uhtred I know you are leaving soon but promise you will come back home and visit us again?”

“Nothing would give me greater pleasure,” Uhtred smiled though he had to concede to himself that there were a few things as he spotted Finan reach the bottom of the stairs behind her.

“You always were a sweet talker, Merry Christmas Uhtred and you Lord Brandon.”

Uhtred and Aelfric bowed slightly and murmured ‘Merry Christmas’ after her as she left with her daughter in tow, the poor girl looking a little worse for wear. Aelfric waited till she was out the doors before turning on Uhtred.

“What the hell happened?”

“It was an accident Uncle,” Uhtred sighed.

“Careless, insolent child,” Aelfric spat, “the cost of repairing the damage will come from your allowance and you had better learn some damn responsibility from it.”

Uhtred seethed, every muscle in his body tight with rage but the next moment he felt the warmth of Finan’s elbow pressed against his and Aelfric was stalking away and the anger seeped from him, leaving only a weariness in its wake.

“Alright?” Finan prompted.

“Not terribly but better now,” Uhtred smiled at him.

Finan smiled back and really, if that wasn’t worth it then nothing was.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looking up 19C burn treatments is probably one of my weirder google searches and I mostly got like actual medical journal articles that I was not about to read the entirety of but from what I gather carron oil was the thing? We're going with that anyway
> 
> This chapter is sponsored by 17yr old me sharing a bed with my best friend and barely sleeping because I was busy yearning, in my defence she was very beautiful
> 
> Apologies for any errors, it was a very quick edit on this one because I really wanted to get it posted today


	12. Chapter 12

Whatever good the ball had done to soothe Aelfric’s bruised ego, the fire in Uhtred’s room had undone it all.

He found fault with everything during breakfast and stormed out half way though claiming to have letters to deal with. More worryingly he had demanded Finan’s presence in his study within the half hour.

Behind Aelfric’s retreating back Uhtred was looking at Finan like he was trying to find a way to get him out of it.

“It will be fine,” Finan reassured him when they were alone again.

“It’s me that he is annoyed with, I do not like you taking the repercussions for it,” Uhtred frowned, stabbing at the food on his plate. Finan had no doubt Uhtred was picturing Aelfric’s face and couldn’t help the tug of affection he felt.

Though Uhtred had proved he cared for Finan several times over it still felt like a new and secret joy for Uhtred to voice his concern so easily.

“I was in the army remember? I have had men in authority shout at me before, I can handle Aelfric.”

“The point is you shouldn’t have to,” Uhtred sighed.

“In a perfect world perhaps but this is still England and dependents are the last to see any clemency,” Finan pointed out.

“You’re right but I still hate it,” Uhtred sighed again, dragging a hand through his hair in frustration and managing to make a complete mess of it.

Finan hid his smile behind his cup.

What he did not tell Uhtred was that he could not have cared less what Aelfric might have to say. He had yet to untangle the emotional whiplash of the previous day and this morning but the still-fresh warmth of waking up to Uhtred asleep next to him, of Uhtred embracing him with a sincerity that he could still scarcely believe wasn’t a dream – it was not a feeling that could be easily dampened.

He finished his coffee at least before leaving Uhtred to his own devices, it was a luxury he was not about to cut short just for Aelfric.

~

Finan knocked before entering. He didn’t have to wait long before the barked command to enter echoed through the door.

Aelfric had already had the lamps and the fire lit, the light coming in from the windows pale and thin.

Finan crossed the length of the room to the desk where Aelfric sat, his footsteps echoing in the cold silence. He clasped his hands behind his back and stood, waiting. Aelfric did not invite him to sit, but then he never did.

He tried to imagine Uhtred sitting where Aelfric now sat, dealing with the business of the estate when it became his. Uhtred, who had never sat straight in a chair if he could help it, who was as quick to laugh as he was to grumble.

Finan couldn’t help but think it would be so much more like a home rather than a well preserved tomb with Uhtred there.

Aelfric sat back from the letter he had been writing and watched him assessingly.

“Did you witness the incident in Uhtred’s room?” Aelfric asked finally.

Finan hesitated, there was no harm in admitting it that he could tell, he only had to cover that Uhtred had slept in his room and not his own. But he had been doing this long enough now to realise that admitting to anything at all tended to get them into more trouble.

“No, sir. I only found out this morning.”

“You heard nothing at all?” Aelfric pressed, peering suspiciously at him.

“No sir, my apologies, I slept through the night.”

Aelfric glared at him and exhaled noisily.

“I am at my wits end, he cannot be trusted to go one night without causing trouble and disgracing the family name.”

“I do believe it was an accident sir,” Finan interjected quietly.

“Nothing is ever just an accident with my damned nephew!” Aelfric snapped, flushing red with anger.

Finan pressed his lips together tightly, argument would clearly get him nowhere.

“I hired you to keep him in line and frankly I have yet to see any improvement, he is still as disrespectful and irresponsible as ever,” Aelfric continued.

 _He is respectful to those deserving respect,_ Finan thought, hands clenched so tightly now that his nails pressed into his palms.

“I apologise Lord Brandon, I will endeavour to do more,” Finan answered, staring fixedly over Aelfric’s shoulder so he did not have to look at him.

“You will or I will make alternative arrangements, _do you understand me?_ ”

“I do sir.”

And he did. Aelfric would be satisfied or Finan would be dismissed, thrown back to the slums with no hope and no Uhtred.

“Good, now get out,” Aelfric ordered.

Finan ducked his head respectfully and left, only too glad to be away. He leaned back against the door once it was closed behind him, rubbing at his forehead with a sigh.

He allowed himself a moment to grind his teeth but Uhtred had agreed to meet him in the sitting room after so he soon made himself move. There was too much to worry about and he would not find an answer standing in the corridor.

Uhtred did not see him at first when he reached the sitting room and Finan paused at the doorway, watching. Uhtred was pacing up and down the room like a caged circus animal, his necktie discarded on a chair, his shoulders bunched up and his fingers picking absentmindedly at the bandages around his palms.

Finan wanted to hold him again, run his hand from Uhtred’s arm to the curve of his neck till he relaxed.

Instead he walked further into the room, clearing his throat to announce his presence.

“You’re back!”

“I am,” Finan replied, sinking into the nearest chair.

“And?”

Finan briefly considered not telling him but he had long grown tired of shouldering burdens alone and found that since Uhtred had crashed into his life, or rather perhaps since he had crashed into Uhtred’s, he much preferred the comfort of sharing them.

Only his feelings must remain secret because there would be no taking that back and no knowing what changes it would wreak on their friendship. But even with that in mind he found himself on the cusp of doing something stupid all too often lately.

“If he does not see some improvement in your behaviour then I will be let go, though what ‘improvement’ he is after I’m not entirely sure,” Finan told him.

Uhtred cursed and kicked the nearest piece of furniture.

“What more does he want from me?! I have had no fights, arrived dressed and sober for every damn dinner. My tongue is bitten to pieces from holding back every thought when he sits there scolding and insulting me!” Uhtred cried in frustration.

“He will find fault no matter what you do, that is clear enough, I say we simply do as we have been and avoid him as much as we can.”

Uhtred grunted in acknowledgement but continued to glare at the floor, his frame curling in on itself as if that could protect him from his uncle's displeasure.

“We were never close,” Uhtred said eventually, “but it is only in the last few years I have come to realise how much he truly hates me.”

Finan stood, unable to take it, and pressed a comforting hand to Uhtred’s arm.

“It should not matter to me right? After all, I hate him too,” Uhtred laughed wetly, looking at Finan like he could give him the answers.

“It is more complicated than that I think when it is your family that turn on you,” Finan told him softly. 

“Your brother?”

“I would like to say that the hate and anger hardened me to it when Conall cut me off but the hurt is still there, buried under the wreckage.”

Uhtred breathed out shakily and before Finan could think too much about it he pulled Uhtred into a hug. It seemed easier somehow since Uhtred had been the one to do it first that morning.

“There are few blessings in this life,” Finan spoke, “but the fact that we get to choose who we trust is one of them.”

“I trust you,” Uhtred told him, his arms tightening around Finan’s back and Finan was glad then that his face was hidden over Uhtred’s shoulder because he could not have contained his smile.

He allowed himself a heartbeat longer before arranging his expression into something more neutral and pulling back, lest he be tempted to stay there all day or worse press his nose to the skin beneath Uhtred’s ear.

Uhtred at least seemed less dejected but he had turned away in the next moment to pour a glass of water from the jug on the side. He glanced at Finan with the jug held up, offering, but Finan waved him off.

“We should do something,” Finan suggested, “its Christmas, no point spending the whole day hanging around under Aelfric’s storm cloud.”

“I’ve shown you round most of the house already and everywhere in the village will be closed,” Uhtred considered, “I could show you the gardens but it will be cold.”

“Then we wrap up and take some flasks of whiskey with us.”

“We’ll turn you into a Northerner yet,” Uhtred laughed.

~

It didn’t take Finan long to throw on some extra layers and he was soon standing outside his door waiting for Uhtred.

Contrary to his efforts Uhtred looked worried again when he left his room.

“Did you put the candle back on my bedside last night?” Uhtred asked.

“Not that I remember,” Finan shrugged, “I was more concerned with the actual fire, surely it would have melted anyway?”

“Either it didn’t and mysteriously ended up in exactly the same position as I left it before going to sleep or it did and Mary replaced it with another candle that was half burned down.” 

“Strange,” Finan frowned.

“Very,” Uhtred sighed, “but we have enough ghosts to chase back in London without adding more problems. Perhaps I’m just being paranoid.”

Finan didn’t comment, he did not think Uhtred was being paranoid honestly but the alternative was just as confusing.

“Coming?” Uhtred prompted.

“Lead on,” Finan smiled back.

Finan found himself taking a bracing sip from his flask almost as soon as they had stepped outside, earning him an amused glance from Uhtred.

“We can still go back inside if you want?”

“I’ll survive,” Finan rolled his eyes, shoving Uhtred’s shoulder and making him laugh, his breath misting in the cold air.

Peace settled over them as they walked through the gardens, it felt a world away from the gloom of Aelfric’s temper. The snow was starting to melt a little but there was still enough of it that for as far as they could see everything was lost under a soft blanket of white.

Finan could almost trick himself into believing there was nothing and no-one beyond this afternoon, beyond the two of them.

He could feel the dampness of the ground start to seep into his boots as they got further and further but it wasn’t yet enough to be uncomfortable. Above them a tree branch creaked as a bird took flight, a thin sprinkling of snow drifting to the ground in its wake.

“A kite,” Finan commented, pointing to the disappearing bird.

“Wasn’t that a sparrowhawk?”

“It was definitely a kite.”

“If you say so, looked like a sparrowhawk to me,” Uhtred replied dubiously.

“Then you’re blind, _that_ was a kite,” Finan insisted.

“Sure, sure, I should have taken your Oxford degree in country birds into account of course…oh wait,” Uhtred grinned at him teasingly.

Finan raised a hand threateningly but Uhtred just dodged out of his reach, laughing.

“I’m taking you to an opticians when we’re back in London,” Finan grumbled, dropping his hand.

“You’ll have to catch me first,” Uhtred grinned sharply, shuffling back a couple steps before breaking into a run.

Finan didn’t even blink before accepting the challenge, running after him.

“And I still say it was a sparrowhawk!” Uhtred yelled over his shoulder.

“You’re a little shit!” Finan called after him but he couldn’t help the laughter that broke from him.

He managed to catch Uhtred by the pavilion, grabbing onto his arm. Uhtred stopped easily, leaning against the stone portico to catch his breath and still smiling.

“I think that’s more exercise than I have done since we got here,” Finan huffed at him.

“Warmer?”

“Much,” Finan laughed.

By mutual unspoken decision they both went to sit on the nearest bench, their coats protecting them from the worst of the cold emanating from the stone while they recovered.

Minutes passed in comfortable silence and Finan found himself digging out his flask again, savouring the burn of it as Uhtred did the same.

It had nothing on the warmth that shot through him when Uhtred shifted slightly so that his leg was pressed against Finan’s. Finan watched him carefully as if by will alone he could pull the thoughts from Uhtred’s mind but Uhtred was looking away, outside, and Finan was only left with more questions.

“Do you think our lives are fated?” Uhtred asked, startling Finan by turning to meet his stare.

“Some things, but we make our choices too.”

“And if we do choose different? If we go against the lives set out for us, would the outcome be better or worse do you think?”

Finan had to suppress a shiver under the intensity of Uhtred’s gaze as he tried to figure out what Uhtred was _really_ asking him.

“Maybe,” Finan began hesitantly, “maybe there is no better or worse, maybe life just is and we make of it what we can.”

Uhtred stared at him a moment longer before turning away, leaving Finan feeling like he was catching his breath all over again. Laid bare in a way that he didn’t understand.

“The suns going down, we should head back before it gets colder.”

Finan nodded and stood to follow Uhtred on the slow trek back to the house.

~

Dinner was awful. The food looked wonderful of course, much repurposed from the night before with a freshly cooked goose in pride of place but Finan could barely taste it.

Uhtred was as quiet and subdued as he had ever been and Aelfric seemed even less inclined to begin a conversation.

It was a relief when Aelfric called for the table to be cleared and excused himself for the night. At least downstairs would have plenty to carry home to their families for Christmas dinner.

Finan scratched idly at his beard whilst he considered how to break the silence but Uhtred beat him to it.

“Want to get drunk on the expensive stuff?”

“Thought you’d never ask,” Finan grinned swiftly making Uhtred snort.

“Alright, I’ll grab the scotch and meet you in the library.”

Finan could see why Uhtred had chosen the library when he got there, it was quiet and dark, tucked away at the back of the house where they were least likely to be heard.

He stumbled around a little as he found the lamps and lit them, finally taking one over to the fireplace and setting it down next to him as he knelt to pile up the logs and kindling.

He had just about coaxed it into a cheerful flicker when Uhtred returned, decanter and glasses in hand.

Finan stood, knees creaking slightly and went to offer a hand but Uhtred was already placing their foraged bounty down on the table so Finan flopped into the armchair instead, the tension of the day already beginning to ease from his shoulders.

It was only then that he noticed the package under Uhtred’s arm. He shot an inquiring glance at him and was rebuffed when Uhtred just put the package down next to his chair and poured their drinks.

Finan couldn’t help but sympathise with the long relieved sigh Uhtred let out as he sank into his own chair, the shifting light of the fire highlighting the tired lines of his face.

“To keeping out of sight and out of trouble,” Finan raised a toast, Uhtred smiling crookedly at him as he knocked their glasses together, “sláinte.”

“You say that but we’ll be sneaking around dog fights trying to find that bloody hired thug as soon as we’re back in London.”

“True,” Finan snickered, “to not getting caught getting in trouble then?”

“Sounds good to me,” Uhtred agreed readily, taking a long sip of his drink, “we could probably leave it till after new years though, give my Uncle some time to cool off just in case he does find out.”

“Shockingly sensible of you,” Finan teased.

“If the worst happens then we at least know Gisela can find you employment so you will not be without a wage or lodgings as I’m sure Aelfric thinks he is threatening you with but if I’m being honest, even if it is selfish, I would prefer not to lose your company just yet.”

“I would prefer not to be lost too,” Finan answered, he meant it to come out light but his voice had turned rough under Uhtred’s stare.

He could only bear it a heartbeat longer before he had to turn away, taking another long sip of scotch and hoping it would burn away the ache in his chest.

It didn’t.

Uhtred dragged his attention back when he cleared his throat, taking the package from the side of the chair and placing it on the table.

“Merry Christmas,” Uhtred quipped.

“You didn’t have to-“

“It’s not much of anything really,” Uhtred waved off his protest.

“Well if we’re doing gifts…” Finan smiled wryly, digging into his jacket pocket for the small bundle that he had been carrying around most of the day.

Nervous to give it to him now that he had the opportunity Finan tossed it to Uhtred, enjoying the surprised look on Uhtred’s face when he caught it more than he should.

He hesitated unwrapping his own gift to watch Uhtred open his, warmth simmering through him as Uhtred’s smile turned soft and pleased when he opened the cigarette case to see his initials engraved inside.

“I’m sure you probably have plenty nicer cases but it’s all I had time to get,” Finan equivocated.

“It’s perfect, thank you Finan,” Uhtred told him earnestly and Finan had to look away again. If Uhtred kept looking at him like that he might really go mad.

He found himself looking at the parcel in front of him instead, nervous fingers unravelling the brown paper.

Finan recognised it instantly when he pulled the paper back. The Cliffs of Moher had not been far from where he grew up back in Ireland, he vaguely remembered that he had mentioned it in passing to Uhtred before, but he could not have imagined how Uhtred managed to find such a beautiful painting of it.

“I know it’s not the same but I thought you might want a piece of home to keep with you,” Uhtred explained.

Finan could almost imagine he heard the way his chest cracked open, every feeling he had been trying so hard to contain spilling from him as he looked at Uhtred and tried to remember how to speak.

“Thank you.”

It came out choked, smothered by what he really wanted to say. Which was _I think I’m in love with you. Are you in love with me too? If I press my fingers in the spaces between yours will you hold on as tightly as I hope?_

He opened his mouth to speak again but his tongue felt too heavy, words felt too small.

He had been silent too long he realised when Uhtred smiled gently and turned to refill their glasses.

Finan took his gratefully and focused on breathing through the hurt as he considered that he might have just lost his best chance of telling Uhtred how he felt.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel a teensy bit evil for how I ended this so uh sorry?


End file.
